My attempt at creating OC's 2.0

[Lain]

PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE EVEN THINKING ABOUT SCROLLING DOWN, UNLESS YOU NEED TO SCROLL DOWN TO FINISH READING IT BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

A long, i actually don't remember time ago, i made an OC. It had it's flaws, it had it's pros. Here's the link for it.

https://steamcommunity.com/app/391540/discussions/0/1843493219423323465/

But at the end of it, i felt i could re-write it and make it better. It had a few plot holes that bugged me for a long time, so i'm posting my second version of it for the sake of my sanity.

As someone who wishes to become an manga artist/author, coming up with character ideas is usually a good thing. Undertale has an interesting setup of scenary and the fact that there are monsters of all shapes and colors in the entire underground, it makes it fun to create a character,as long it's not another Sans.


Keep in mind:

-This is NOT a skeleton OC because skeleton OC's made after Undertale's realese are bad, underdeveloped, and mostly cringy. Come on, most of them are reskinned Sans.
-I ♥♥♥♥ing love hearing opinions and criticism about my work, show me what you got.
-There won't be any TL:DR's so leave this thread ASAP if you don't like massive walls of text. I'm going to try to make it at least readable, with tons of paragraphs.
-Excuse my bad english. I'm brazilian, the land of cringy minecraft youtubers. HAVE MERCY!
-Again, this is VERY, VERY long.~
-Enjoy.

The Character's species

There is a certain species of monsters that were known as the Shermans. The Shermans are possibly the monster species that mostly resemble a human, but have sufficient differences to distinguish one from a human. They were exactly like humans, appearence wise; except their hair were usually colored with brighter colors than normal humans, Slighty Smaller than the average human, and their canine teeth was pointy; but the rest of their teeth was rounder than normal, and for some reason, their tongue is blue.

The Shermans were known for a lot of things, but the most popular thing is their ability to camouflage. Their skin, their hair, and in some cases, even their eyes, could change the color at the user's will, and can also unexpectedly change color depending on their emotion. Their normal skin color is pale, almost snow-white. Although their camouflage abilities are almost perfect; they have a lot of flaws.

The first flaw, is that their camouflage cannot keep up with movement, meaning it will be easier to tell if there's a camouflaged Sherman somewhere if said Sherman is moving than if said Sherman is standing still. Their camouflage activates very fast, however, meaning they can escape from danger just by turning a corner and camouflaging.

The Shermans also can completely control their body movements, meaning can stay literally completely still, and silently breathing. Although, their stamina seems to be lower than human average, meaning they get tired from running or moving faster. They are also known for being able to think more effeciently and faster while under pressure, allowing Shermans to have dangerous jobs like Firefighter, or even more calm jobs, however that still pressure, like company manager. Their thinking is affected the same way when they are alone.

Shermans also age slowy, compared to Humans.


They also have an interesting reaction to water: upon contact with skin, their ability to camouflage is heavility reduced in all body parts, and long contact with water may even mess with their thinking abilities. Inside their body, however, there is a thin coating that stops water from affecting their abilities, meaning they can drink water just fine. Although, water affects them just like Vodka affects humans, but in return, they only start to feel thirsty 30 days after drinking 300ml of water. Basically, every month, they become drunk as hell.

The Character Itself

Name: Kay Etuc, Often called as just Kay.

A few years ago, some parts of the Underground were still being explored. Especially the massive snow forests near what we today call Snowdin, and the south area of Hotlands. A group of monsters were sent in that location so they could build their houses and colonize their area there. That group was known as EG-46.

Kay was part of EG-46, however she was still young at that age. She was traveling with the group, along with her parents, until heavy snowstorm striked in the area. Today, snowstorms are quite rare in the Underground, but back then, they were common and deadly. As a tactic to survive, EG-46 spread out in two groups so they could find two different safe spots to hide from the storm.

In the confusion, however, our young Kay fell on the ground, and passed out. Her group tried to quickly find her and bring her to a safe cave they found, however the storm was getting stronger, and because of the Sherman's white skin, it was too hard to find her and they had to abandon her for their own safety. It is unknown what happened to her parents in that time.


Kay, somehow, survived the storm, and woke up in the middle of the forest; except it was extremely far away from where she was. The Sherman's lack of water need and the abudance of fruits in the trees were enough for Kay to survive without problems and grow up healthy, the Sherman's ability to think faster while alone also helped her create gadgets and clothing. She eventually found her parents, but refused to stay at their home; she fell in love with the forest and decided to live alone in it.

Her appearence is odd. She has white short hair, pale skin, She uses a black and tight leather t-shirt with no sleeves, but is rather long vertically, reaching quite slighty above her knees.She also uses a small black leather shorts. Also uses black boots, however slighty modified to allow the same mobility normal shoes would allow. That leather is a special type of leather with similar camouflage characteristics to the Sherman's skin.

Her weapon of choice is a Assassin's creed style blade.

Althought she has quite a professional appearence, she is the opposite of a professional. She likes to think she is a cool assassin-style person, but she is terrible at using her blade; often missing strikes in combat, accidentally activating it and hurting her own hand, and she refuses to fight without her camo, since she thinks it is what make her unique. She avoids water at all costs and only drinks it with a long straw, and then hide somewhere before the vodka effects come in, so she doesn't go around while drunk. She also thinks hiding in the darkness is cool, but she is too scared to do so.

She is more of a coward thief than an assassin, often using her camouflage to steal things. As much as she thinks fighting is cool, she mostly fights when she has no way to escape, as she is too scared to fight them.

In fact, her personality is adorable, often resembling a kid's personality, however she is still responsible. And considering the situation of need she experienced in the past, she can't just ignore someone in need. Kay will try to help said person, as long as it's for a good cause. In exchange, the person that is currently being helped will not tell anyone about Kay being a little thief.

This way, she ended up being known as the "Coward helper".

She never met undertale characters like Frisk, Sans, etc But she heard about the existance of mettaton and often steals food from the MTT hotel. That may actually be the closest thing you will see about Kay interacting with the current Undertale Characters. She lives in a cave, in the middle of the snow florest. With her knowledge about terrain and a little of luck, nobody knows she lives there and there is where she sleeps. You can bet she is not in misery; it took a while, but she stole a MTT-brand bed and wishes everyone could feel how comfy that bed is.

Also, did i mention that her second name backwards means Cute? That is referring to her personality, she looks like some kind of cold hearted person until you see how she really is; cute as hell.

EG-46 is short for Exploration Group 46.

I KNOW IT'S LONG AS HELL BUT PLEASE DON'T SKIP IT

It took quite a time to write this. If the feedback be positive enough, i will consider drawing her, a simple and quick concept art drawing.

Please tell me your opinions and criticism below, otherwise i won't know what i should improve.

Thanks for your attention.

[Cocyx The Gay Skeleton]

引用自 McCree：

引用自 Cocyx The Gay Skeleton：

Oh... That seems mathematically incorrect if they're pulled from the same sources as a community with ALL decent people, considering there will still be the same dislike to like ratio no matter how big the party is. The only way there would be a difference is that the decent people aren't as decent....

Welp, let's hope those "decent" people come over here then.

A) Why wouldn't you go over there?

B) Taking small random samples of a group will not change the ratio of how many people would like your work based on it's quality

[Lain]

引用自 Cocyx The Gay Skeleton：

引用自 McCree：

Welp, let's hope those "decent" people come over here then.

A) Why wouldn't you go over there?

B) Taking small random samples of a group will not change the ratio of how many people would like your work based on it's quality

Honestly, i don't really know any other place that i could do such thing. For example, here, i could just manipulate the Undertale universe, and that inst hard, at least for me.

I will end up recycling Kay's concept later anyway.

[Cocyx The Gay Skeleton]

引用自 McCree：

引用自 Cocyx The Gay Skeleton：

A) Why wouldn't you go over there?

B) Taking small random samples of a group will not change the ratio of how many people would like your work based on it's quality

Honestly, i don't really know any other place that i could do such thing. For example, here, i could just manipulate the Undertale universe, and that inst hard, at least for me.

I will end up recycling Kay's concept later anyway.

If your intention is just to manipulate people to mine approval as a therepeutic validating resource then it doesn't really matter who gives the approval, but you'd think being self-aware of that fact would make the approval seem hollow...

[Lain]

引用自 Cocyx The Gay Skeleton：

引用自 McCree：

Honestly, i don't really know any other place that i could do such thing. For example, here, i could just manipulate the Undertale universe, and that inst hard, at least for me.

I will end up recycling Kay's concept later anyway.

If your intention is just to manipulate people to mine approval as a therepeutic validating resource then it doesn't really matter who gives the approval, but you'd think being self-aware of that fact would make the approval seem hollow...

Honestly, forget everything i just said, let me rephrase it:

I want opinions from decent people around here because this place usually ins't filled with decent to good ideas so the people would judge my work accordingly to what they think and also compare it to the stuff normally found here.

Instead of just: "That's good, but X thing could change."

I want "That's good, but X thing could change, but overall it's decent for a Undertale OC.

I just want that little extra "compare" along with the opinion i would find anywhere else.

[Cocyx The Gay Skeleton]

引用自 McCree：

引用自 Cocyx The Gay Skeleton：

If your intention is just to manipulate people to mine approval as a therepeutic validating resource then it doesn't really matter who gives the approval, but you'd think being self-aware of that fact would make the approval seem hollow...

Honestly, forget everything i just said, let me rephrase it:

I want opinions from decent people around here because this place usually ins't filled with decent to good ideas so the people would judge my work accordingly to what they think and also compare it to the stuff normally found here.

Instead of just: "That's good, but X thing could change."

I want "That's good, but X thing could change, but overall it's decent for a Undertale OC.

I just want that little extra "compare" along with the opinion i would find anywhere else.

Sure, I can understand that. It'd be similar to me barging into an Undertale remix community and slapping them upside the head with pro-mixed analog stuff... But it seems a bit, I dunno, fruitless? Eventually you get to the point where your writing isn't accessible to the lowest common denominator anymore and therefore these people aren't a very good judge. It depends who you want your audience to be.

[Lain]

引用自 Cocyx The Gay Skeleton：

引用自 McCree：

Honestly, forget everything i just said, let me rephrase it:

I want opinions from decent people around here because this place usually ins't filled with decent to good ideas so the people would judge my work accordingly to what they think and also compare it to the stuff normally found here.

Instead of just: "That's good, but X thing could change."

I want "That's good, but X thing could change, but overall it's decent for a Undertale OC.

I just want that little extra "compare" along with the opinion i would find anywhere else.

Sure, I can understand that. It'd be similar to me barging into an Undertale remix community and slapping them upside the head with pro-mixed analog stuff... But it seems a bit, I dunno, fruitless? Eventually you get to the point where your writing isn't accessible to the lowest common denominator anymore and therefore these people aren't a very good judge. It depends who you want your audience to be.

You still didn't get it, i just want that little compare ALONG with the decent opinion a decent person would have. I don't want the opinion to be changed just because the person ins't used to see good stuff.

[Cocyx The Gay Skeleton]

引用自 McCree：

引用自 Cocyx The Gay Skeleton：

Sure, I can understand that. It'd be similar to me barging into an Undertale remix community and slapping them upside the head with pro-mixed analog stuff... But it seems a bit, I dunno, fruitless? Eventually you get to the point where your writing isn't accessible to the lowest common denominator anymore and therefore these people aren't a very good judge. It depends who you want your audience to be.

You still didn't get it, i just want that little compare ALONG with the decent opinion a decent person would have. I don't want the opinion to be changed just because the person ins't used to see good stuff.

Well, I think there's lots of "decent" fanfic writing communities on tumblr or fanfiction dot net (i think?). You could probably get a more concrete demographic of what you're looking for over there rather than people who just have the game installed on steam

[fushigi friend]

引用自 A Person：

I like it!

Also, "I'm Brazillian. Have Mercy!"
Mercy isn't Brazillian.

I feel ignored

i'm going to cry now

[DanEgbert]

Compared to other Undertale OCs, this is the best of them all. I will list my pros and cons;

Pros

- This Character actually has weaknesses.
- The backstory is pretty rich, obviously would be more rich if in story or media format.
- The powers are unique in the UT universe.
- They weren't "BFFs" with Frisk, or any other character for that matter.

Cons

- I feel like you went all over the place with this. Cute, smart, not a skilled fighter, whatever. I feel like she is a jack of all trades, and doesn't have a specialty.

That's was basically the only con I had. I just have one question, what about Flowey? He said he killed everyone, and you said your character never interacted with the Undertale Cast. And you can't say Flowey couldn't find her, he probably reset millions of times.

[Lain]

引用自 A Person：

引用自 A Person：

I like it!

Also, "I'm Brazillian. Have Mercy!"
Mercy isn't Brazillian.

I feel ignored

i'm going to cry now

Yoru giggled at your joke.

[fushigi friend]

引用自 McCree：

引用自 A Person：

I feel ignored

i'm going to cry now

Yoru giggled at your joke. :Yoru:

I have been blessed

[Lain]

引用自 ItsSuperNova：

Compared to other Undertale OCs, this is the best of them all. I will list my pros and cons;

Pros

- This Character actually has weaknesses.
- The backstory is pretty rich, obviously would be more rich if in story or media format.
- The powers are unique in the UT universe.
- They weren't "BFFs" with Frisk, or any other character for that matter.

Cons

- I feel like you went all over the place with this. Cute, smart, not a skilled fighter, whatever. I feel like she is a jack of all trades, and doesn't have a specialty.

That's was basically the only con I had. I just have one question, what about Flowey? He said he killed everyone, and you said your character never interacted with the Undertale Cast. And you can't say Flowey couldn't find her, he probably reset millions of times.

About the con, i think you are right. I'm not the kind of guy that tells ideas about characters to other people often, so when i do, i unleash everything i can think of to make a unique, backstory-rich and believable character.

I actually drew a few concept art for Kay, i might post them sometime. I didn't colour them, and the best one doesn't even show her full body, since i wanst going to do alot on it; but i rather drew it as a guide to know what i wanted the character to look like.


Well, about Flowey, it works this way:



Kay never met Flowey, in fact, don't even know about his existance. But Flowey, in another hand, does. Maybe in some different timeline they met, but just like you said, in that timeline is extremely probable that Flowey just killed her and, later, after killing everyone, resetted.

So technically Kay doesn't know Flowey, but Flowey does know Kay.

[Lain]

引用自 A Person：

引用自 McCree：

Yoru giggled at your joke.

I have been blessed

You should be proud. Yoru doesn't smile very often. It takes skill to make her smile, even more giggle.

If you truly worship Yoru, you can join my Yoru appreciation Group on my steam profile.

[fushigi friend]

引用自 McCree：

引用自 A Person：

I have been blessed

You should be proud. Yoru doesn't smile very often. It takes skill to make her smile, even more giggle. :Yoru:

If you truly worship Yoru, you can join my Yoru appreciation Group on my steam profile.

I don't think I'm ready yet

[Comrade Larry]

Her white description in ending credits "Still Coward helper"
Her yellow description in ending credits "Master Assassin".
Btw good OC.