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There are few limitations for co-op
1. Area has to allow to co-op (if you can set sign it is allowed there)
2. Boss of the area for host (the one that summons) has to be still alive.
3. Host can summon for co-op players from soul level (called SL) rage. This range is SL of the host +/- (10 + 10% of SL of the host) So SL 100 can summon player in range 80-120 SL
4. Level of max upgraded weapon also limits co-op. The game "remembers" what was the max lvl weapon you upgraded, no matter if you still have it or not. So if you ever upgrade weapon to +10 your character is permamently set to +10 weapon level upgrade. Some weapons can be upgraded only to +5, for those their level of upgrade is calculated as double (so +3 is treated like +6).
Host can summon players with weapon upgrade level equal his level+/- 2 levels.
So If you have +6 you can summon players with weapon between +4 and +8.
Said that DS3 has something called "password" (or pw). If you set it from menu level you can summon other players that also have set SAME password as you no matter what their Soul Level or weapon upgrade is. But if summoned character has way more level than host his hp (or maybe also other stats) can be scaled down.
5. There is also thing with bans. Banned players can only play with other banned players. You can get ban for cheating via hacks and using MODS.
But since both of you just starts neither of you should be banned.
If you need help feel free to ask. There are ppl more than happy to do so. Me included :D
Can a summoned player upgrade their weapons in the Host game?
Can a summoned player get new weapons, armor and other gear?
Can a summoned player spend souls to level or access shops in a host game?
Has anyone used the coop mod for DS3 and what limitations still exist for coop players even with the mod other than the ones I've mentioned in the OP?
A: No. To do so he would have to talk with NPC blacksmith. Summoned player can't interact with npc in host world. + this blacksmith is in area off co-op anyway.
But summoned players can use buffs(like magic weapon) and resins.
Q:Can a summoned player get new weapons, armor and other gear.
A: only if host or any other summoned player will drop it for them
Q:Can a summoned player spend souls to level or access shops in a host game?
A: Same as 1st question, he would have to interact with npc + as far as i remember all vendors + npc that allows you to level up are in off co-op area
Q:Has anyone used the coop mod for DS3 and what limitations still exist for coop players even with the mod other than the ones I've mentioned in the OP?
A: only mod I can think about that affect your co-op is "blue sentinel", but it "only" allows you to detect/block/kick cheaters. Never heard about mod that remove co-op limits
But it looks crappy to me to be fair:
It allows to co-op in normally restricted area, it allows summoned players to keep their full number of estus, i think it allows to summon without beeing embered(I haven't mentioned that earlier but you have to be embered to be able to summon co-op phantoms. You get embered by consuming ember or killing boss) and "the multiplayer barriers are for the most part removed" whatever that means.
It doesn't remove SL or weapon lvl restrictions AND using it will get you banned - extremly limiting your co-op experience.
It's waste of time
If you want a seamless co-op experience, there's a mod for Elden Ring called "Seamless Co-op" which basically makes you join the session once and then stick together until you close it, including in normally single-player-only areas like the home base, with all items being shared (so the guests can pick up anything that would normally be host-only).
(Soulslike-with-guns Remnant 2 also has this sort of gameplay innately, if you want the co-op soulslike experience without having to mod your game for it)