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DS3 is my fav DS.
I would go for ER since it has more build variety, imersive gameplay.
DS3 only beats ER on bosses
DS3 is better for pvp.
if you are looking for difficulty, it seems many youtubers put elden ring as one of the easiest in the series, but then i'm trying to avoid spoilers, but i accidentally caught that ER has a lot more "gotchas" where the game just kills you with no warning, such as the ground just suddenly giving way and dropping you in a pit at one point and killing you with no warning or even any visual indicator that it might break, like no seams or cracks in the ground to clue you in.
. at least in the dlc for this game, the spots that break are obvious. . . and they don't kill you, they just drop you into the next area or into a fight or something
or
a boss that attacks you, as you are approaching the fog gate, the boss attacks you through the fog gate
or
an enemy walking around , seemingly unaware of you and even if you stand a mile away and try to snipe it and fire a ranged attack at it, it suddenly becomes aware and teleports behind you and pulls off a backstab, likely one shotting you
also, the same youtubers that say elden ring is one of the easiest also claim that Malenia is one of the hardest bosses in the entire series, except for the fact that elden ring has the most powerful summons that can trivialize the boss fights
I've done ten playthroughs and never seen that, but if you aggro an enemy and you're close enough to the fog wall they can hit you through it.
There's only one enemy I can think of that could do that and there's only one of them. It doesn't just suddenly become aware either, you have to hit it first or get close enough that it senses you. They don't backstab you either, but they do have a killer combo that is hard to avoid. There is another annoying teleporting enemy but they're trivial to kill with a beginner spell that any class can cast.
Personally I prefer Elden Ring's build variety, combat and open world/non-linear progression, but Dark Souls 3 has much better bosses and the open areas are better designed than most of Elden Ring's open areas, and most of the armor looks better. Overall I think you get more bang for your buck with Elden Ring though. Elden Ring will also have a gigantic DLC coming out soon, and personally I did not really like the Dark Souls 3 DLC's that much.