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The same time meaning, the game registering them at the same time, so it's a little bit tricky. Play around, you'll get the timing eventually.
As for the parry, make sure you are directly infront of them. Don't spam attack either, one single click is enough. Sometimes waiting just half a moment after the parry might be beneficial to initiating the critical hit.
About the riposte: You parry, and while your opponent is out of balance you stand in front of him, and only press the LMB.
I do have custom keybinds, and have used them since the first game, so your mileage may vary.
Preach bro!
That's just force of habit. It's the same since DS1. If you ♥♥♥♥ it up enough you will eventually
learn to work around it automatically.
I have way more then 2k hours in the souls series and i can't remember when i accidently kicked the last time.