Enjoyable 2D platformer with retro C64 graphics and a difficulty curve that ramps up to hardcore really quickly. Sadly it will get repetetive real fast because there is only jump and run, no extras. Music gets a little bit annoying too

Great game!

If you like the idea of a tough and darkly humorous neoretro platfomer that keeps it simple, buy this now! There are no status effects, no combos, no leveling, and no bullcrap; you just run and jump through insane 8-bit cityscapes, ducking deadly bird waste and collecting aphrodisiacs as you seek to slake your lust with the aid of a buxom courtesan.

The controls are smooth and the challenges are tough; there's nobody to blame but yourself if you can't make it though an area. If you don't enjoy tough 'n' primal platformers, leave Bernie alone, because the last thing anybody needs is another snot-nosed punk who dreams of PewDiePie's carnal embrace leaving a snarky review after five minutes of playtime.

A platformer that essentially plays like the recent popular genre of infinite runners since you got the grim reaper at your back and you need to time your jumps and movement near optimally to pick all the collectibles (pills) while reaching the end of the stage to your lady friend before your ticker gives out.

Fans of that genre and old school microcomputer visuals (a la C64) should enjoy this romp but the lack of any chievos might put them off.

Looks like it came out in 1985 for the C64. Fair enough if you like retro style graphics, but the game is pretty horrible. Run to the right, jump to avoid stuff while collecting pills.

Boring, overly difficult and most of all, not a lot of fun.

3.7/10 - Super Hard Platformer; Super Not Fun To Play!

I don't mind that it's 8 bit; in fact some of the backgrounds are pretty awesome, but the game isn't. It's extremely hard and super repetitive; run, jump, run, jump, jump... The music is the worst part; the "chiptone" gets on your nerves within a minute. There isn't an option to mute either.

The goal of this platformer is to escape Death and make it to your 'sweet young thang'; essentially giving you enough vitality to last another round. After completing a few rounds I've had/seen enough.

Worth $0.99 if you love a super challenge; but overall not good.

Ok here is the skinny on Bernie needs love:
Short version:
Fun graphics, decent controls, difficulty that at points will test your ability to not throw things, and severely pixilated boobs: It’s like my childhood all over again!

Long Version:
Graphics: Ok this is made to look retro, which many users these days mark off for, but it has an oldschool tube-type TV mode you can start which I find kind of awesome. Truly enhances that classic-sitting-five-inches-from-the-tv-with-an-atari feel ( that’s a thing right?).

Game Play: The difficulty curve in this is so sharp it will have you pulling out your hair from time to time, but when you finally succeed in passing the blasted level that has been stumping you… you feel like you accomplished something. For those unfamiliar with the classic side-scrollers, this is a good thing. You don’t want to feel like it was easy or you wasted your time… you don’t want it impossible or you DID waste your time. Hard but playable is the goal.

Controls/Bugs: The controls can sometimes feel laggy but its something you learn to compensate for. The only glitch I found was on the boss level if you jump just right as the boss is about to appear you can end up with a frozen character unable to land or move. All in all they chose to keep this one simple. Back forward and up are all you worry about.

Closing thoughts: I found the game quite challenging. If you are the kind of person who knows how to walk away for a bit before the moment of frustration and keep things fun , you should enjoy playing this.

Way too difficult and repetitive for me; without having the redeeming qualities of a game like Super Meat boy, such as smooth control and means of speeding up your repeated attempts.

The enemy placement, level length, and music loops are aggravating enough to be unenjoyable.

(early access) This is a difficult platformer and they're not my cup of tea. The game looks nice in its own style but I feel it's a little repetitive. Of course I didn't play that long so I'm guessing there'll be more variety later on. Also, too many ♥♥♥♥♥♥ birds.

Subjective: ★★★☆☆
Objective: ★★★★★ — Graphics: ★★★ — Content: ★★★ — Handling: ★★★

http://played.today/bernie_needs_love.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJnnhkv5Ti0

Tags: Platformer
Additional Tags: Delete Local Content & Remove from Library

TLDR: Eternal Early Access. Low quality 2D platformer with floaty controls and overall lack of refinement. Humorous tone falls flat.

You play as an old person collecting pills as coins and escaping death trying to reach a girl at the end to finish a level. Works conceptually for me but the whole thing feels and looks second rate. Removed for declutter

Its exactly as its said in the description.
If you like retro platformers, additionally repetitive and slightly hard ones, this game is for you.
Its just meh for me.