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Change it to Windowed Fullscreen.
Change all graphics options to LOW and untick all the boxes.
Then try joining a server
Some people it can take longer than 10 mins.
Try waiting 15 mins.
Being in windowed fullscreen should allow you to alttab anytime and just press CTRL+ESC to access task manager and kill the .exe
Actually you should be able to do ctrl+alt+del or ctrl+esc anytime.
Make sure the server your joining is the same version as your game.
It should be v177 at the moment.
More details required please. Bit hard to follow without them