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Have you gone to the battlemetrics website, typed in your specific servers name in a search field and seen if it pops up there? If you -just- made the server it wont show up typically though, you'd need to wait a bit.
Also have you tried telling friends to connect via friends when you're on the server yourself to get it initially up to join and then have them favorite use the My Survivors tab in the future after that?
https://www.battlemetrics.com/servers/ark
It is the only site that comprehensively lists all 100,000+ servers(yeah we hit that many this week) currently with 99,000+ of those being unofficial servers. In game cant list more than 1000 and that's a contributing factor to its difficulties for people right now.
So knowing that people can at least play the server is important as that's not the case for some players for some servers.
Also, and this is just my advice based on years of playing the game and seeing this mistake:
Don't go chasing player numbers. Ark is a players marker(as evidenced by the sheer volume of servers available). Focus more on building a gaming community that as a byproduct likes to play Ark. Time after time the people who chase player numbers then inevitably don't get lots of people playing or lose players(its always a transitional dynamic) end up giving up running them. Not to say that's the case for you but just something to keep in mind.
Ok good so its(as suspected) just the in game's system. Pretty much nothing you can do about it since it cant handle the volume