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Ark: Survival Evolved features cross-platform play between the Android and iOS mobile versions. Ark cross-play is also available between Xbox One/Xbox Series X|S and the Windows 10 PC versions. Crossplay is not available on any other combination of platforms in 2021.
PlayStation has no Ark: Survival cross-platform support on PS4 or PS5. The same goes for the Nintendo Switch and Switch Lite console versions. Additionally, any PC version not purchased from Microsoft’s Windows 10 Store does not feature crossplay integration. As a result, the Steam and Epic Games Store builds are incompatible with Xbox consoles.
If any of that has changed I am sure the other community members will correct it.
You cant. For Ark 1, these are the general platform related restrictions:
Xbox: Can only play with Microsoft Store purchased WIn10 UWP (Windows universal platform) PC version of the game and vice versa.
Steam: Epic and Steam can play together only if it is a dedicated server, no mods, and the -crossplay setting is enabled.
Playstation: Closed platform unto itself.
Anything else of those can cross over and play with the other.
Come August though you and your friend can pay another 60 bucks and play the remastered Ascended version of the game and play with each other(allegedly for now) across any of those platforms and as well have access to some mods. Other mods will be an addition cost via the premium mods program.
So here are your options:
1. You or your friend purchase ark 1 on the same platform you wish to play.
2. You and your friend just dont play with each other.
3. You wait until August and both of you buy Ark: Ascended.