This game makes me cry (disconnects and server not showing)

[J-Mac]

I love the game but holy crap is it a mess. Every day this week I got on and the server I play on will not show. My son right beside me is playing on the server but it wont show for me. I have to shut down as a restart wont fix it. Then wait for about 20 minutes before it will show.
I frequently get disconnects while my son can play all day. When I do get disconnected, the server will not show up for me when I restart the game as I am sitting there watching my son play on it from his computer!

My PC specks are:
i7 CPU overclocked to 4.5Ghz
32 gigs of ram
2 SSD's in raid-0 config
Nvidia GTX 1080 video card
My internet is 100 x 10

I have the latest video driver
I have tried launching the game from steam using the no sky effects option
I have tried the startup option of "useall resources" thing
I have uninstalled and reinstalled the game
I have verified my files
I run the game on good settings not max
I dont run in windowed mode
I have all non-essential apps closed (adobe cloud and such)
I have shut off my antivirus and malwarebytes

It just seems so random. Last summer my son had issues and it ran fine for me.

[Quvades Gaming]

maybe same ip problem
sometimes you cant connect to a server with 2 pc having the same ip
try a free ip vpn changer and see if it is working or not

[Captpickles]

Did you try joining off your friends list via your son?

[Dracul]

Not heard of the server vanishing from the list but there used to be a pretty common issue back around the time TheCenter became a official map, where you would get randomly disconnected and people would constantly get the 'joining failed (connection timeout)' error when trying to rejoin - often taking dozens of tries to get back in successfully. Was a nitrado issue I believe cause wildcard just gave it the ostrich approach, shoved their head into the dirt and waited for it to go away.

And lemme tell ya taming a beaver or spino on official when that issue struck was the suck supreme.