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for instance, encapsulate their territory. this is the only time i managed to get them to declare war on me and forced them to end my vassalage. it was early game and i took suruga, izu and sagami as soon as they went to war with hojo or whoever starts out with those provinces.
they always go to war with that clan and always try and take those provinces... so i was ready and i just snatched em up.
in turn, imagawa relations went south really fast... they ended up declaring war on me... so i just backpeddled over them. i don't think i had military access with them, i used boats to do an end run around their provinces.
i had planned on snatching those territories, i had not planned on imagawa declaring war... cought me off guard and almost cost me an early game rage quit... but i rolled back, barely fought them off, and deleted their main army by capping their last province... im cheap like that when i have to be...
but thats the exception. in practice, every tokugawa player will tell you 20 tales about how theyve endlessly abused, exploited and tormented the imigawa to no avail.
Are you the Tokugawa? Try leaving a city vulnerable to bait them into attacking you?
the most common tactic i use is to destabilize their economy through agent actions and let a 3rd party destroy them. but yeah, you can take the diplo debuff. its bad but not awful.
more often i don't mind basking in their shade. even upto midgame. they can act as a pretty good buffer against aggressive clans. rofl... rule from the shadows....
I kept a stack in the starting province and ended up fending off several attacks from Oda, peacing out after killing off their stacks. Eventually I formed an Alliance with them which lastrd til realm divide.
Diplomatic hit is really not that bad. Especially once you get War Horses province. The biggest issue is hapiness penalty, but that can be circumvented with Heroic Victories, research and retainers.