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I've already done all that I can to get used to it. I've done a lot of lifting on my end. And I'm tired of lifting.
What do you even mean by that?
What makes it a meaningful choice to begin with?
Shouldn't sacrificing a trinket slot be in order to cast spells, a choice in of itself?
I don't see how it's going to lead to less build diversity.
You can take a spell-enabling weapon and use it in melee.
Or you can sacrifice a trinket slot to cast spells.
These are choices a player can make.
Inventory management is a part of most rpg systems.
There also chest in bonfire, where you can store all items that you doesnt use at that time.
skill ceiling.
You can equip Pyromancy Gloves in one hand, Black Witch Staff the other, Flynn's ring, Ring of Blades +2, Clear Bluestone Ring+2, Southern Ritual Band +2. Attune the desired spells, and you can deal all kind of damage. It kinda sucks, but here you go. Low effort jack of all trades.
You can also softswap/hardswap weapons, spell casting tools, rings, armor pieces. It is absolutely not required in order to have success in the game, but it does extend the potential of how deadly someone might be
false. You can have a weapon/spell casting item in both of your hands and two-hand one of them.
I get your point that you want to shoot thunderbolts and blue/black/red balls out of your ass, but that would be an oversimplification of an advanced mechanics that you might just not like.
When you try to visualize a "wizard", what comes to your mind?
I'd say its a safe guess that most of us mortals think of an entity with a characteristic pointy hat, maybe a beard, and a magic wand in its hand. Even if there is no wand/staff, there is a clear indication that something is happening with that hand (like how pyromancy gloves looks like in the game)
Gears like Blue Flame, Disc Chime dont fit this narrative, but exception proves the rule.
Also, just as it was mentioned before, they come with certain compromises as they are not great neither as a melee nor as a casting tool.
The same goes for Black Witch Staff: you can use it for almost all type of wizadry, but with less damage output, slower casting speed, more weight...
Weapon's like the Pilgrim's Spontoon (Spear) can cast both Hexes and Sorceries while also giving them the Spontoon's counter damage!
Plus dark/magic weapon enchantment spells work on it unlike normal catalysts buffing the respective spell types the Spontoon casts in addition to the melee damage.
So a spell enabling melee weapons do exist but as a special trait rather then it being a baseline effect.
You equip catalysts because catalysts are the things that allow you to use magic in the first place. You seem to think they are some special type of equipment, but they are they same kind of thing as any other weapon, like swords, spears, bows, shileds etc. "Why would my shield disappear when I want to two-hand my weapon?" Doesn't make much sense, does it? So why do you think your statements make any sense?
Besides, two-handing is not just a marginal damage increase, at least in ds2. It completely changes the moveset of a lot of weapons, and your left-hand bumper and trigger gain new functions when two-handing. Most weapons allow you to block and parry in addition to more standard attacks when two-handed, and some even have special attacks tied to the left-hand trigger.
This is not some random inconsistent game. Everything here abides by the same rules, which allows you to experiment with new things with confidence if you know those rules.