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If someone invades you outside of iron keep, then you're free to do as you desire.
If it's a Fight Club or something... well then it's frowned upon to heal. The reason being that you're dragging things out and other people probably want to fight too.
Using estus in duels is really risky imo, because you will generally be close to your opponent since it's one-on-one and will get comboed or backstabbed, ending with less health than when you started drinking it, if you summon me again for a duel i will probably black crystal out.
If you manage to pull it off in a proper duel, you've either earned it by outplaying your opponent or you use it to punish hyperpassive behavior (e.g. running away).
They run away to check their inventory for a Poison Moss to use, when i've poisoned them only to get mad, when i punish with a heal-miracle. Love those double standards. Even got someone max SL at arena mad that way.
It doesn't even bother me much in DS3, where you chug with lightning speed. Though, invaders being able to use Estus is stupid, because the invader already has the advantage. Most hosts are by themselves, PVP inexperienced and possibly even have less Estus at the point of invasion, than the invader.
Besides, there are far worse balancing problems promoting dragging out the fight, like shields being broken. Somehow, it's barely talked about. You are longing to fight chuggers, who likely don't even know that what they're doing can be considered rude, once you've fought a good turtler with an Estoc or Warped Sword.
If a player summoned as dragonbro notices, they actually can heal, they learn it's okay to heal. I won't blame them.