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When your friend joins, set all the match settings to however you want them to be and join the same team. When you're all set up you can turn Friends Only off to allow everyone else join.
If you're trying to join someone else's lobby, then it depends. It depends on how full the lobby is (obviously, if there are multiple free spaces then it's less likely for someone to join instead of you or your friend), if the host doesn't mind you teaming up, if the host isn't a douchebag etc.