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maybe you're not on the zone channel?
I make this same experience in every MMORPG, people on the EU servers are just way less sociable than players on NA servers.
And that's why, despite living in the EU, I play on NA servers.
In the case of ESO it's not even the hardest decision either, because while there is this issue of high ping in a semi-action combat environment, the EU megaserver is known for lag and performance issues.
And unlike the EU megaserver, there is a broader spectrum of time zones on the NA megaserver. Many people from English-speaking nations such as UK and AUS pick the NA server over the EU server, which means the population during NA off-times is less "dead".
/zone is most used, and usually there is a lot of people just chatting in zones with alliance main city...
*see what is appropriate/inappropriate to speak as ban is easy to get.
vivec is one of the main "crafting hubs" - easy access to crafting stations, daily boards, bank, stables... people craft on multiple characters and chatting is not main priority.
Most of us join a discord group or a social guild. You can join up to 5 so I would advise finding a guild with a high membership that seems active. If it doesn't work out, leave and go on to the next one - you just have to press "X".
Edit: And the suggestion about trying the NA server is good. I find no performance issues with it and there are always people on.
Go to a public dungeon/delve and ask someone if they wanna team up. Just start a conversation in the global chat, go to Riften (but the convos here can get weird quickly...) or near the Undaunted Places were people are actually waiting and bored ;-).
Or just join a nice social guild. Lots of nice people in ESO.
I'll even wave and throw poop at you.
Head for one of the capital regions like Deshaan where the undaunted enclaves are located, it always appears to have a few active chatters, even late at night trying to raise teams to take on dungeons.
If you are in one of these hub areas, even in peak hours and you are not seeing any zone chat, take a look at your chat settings, you may have turned some options off by accident?
A. Because I am in Discord and/or Teamspeak and ignore chat.
Reason it's funny is that I miss chat messages all the time. Guildies looking to run a dungeon, friends whispering. Happens to me a lot because I'm not paying attention to chat. Maybe that's what is going on with OP's chats too. People aren't unfriendly, they just don't see it.
I can't speak for anyone else, but, most of the time, I won't accept drive by invites. If you send me a tell asking to group up, and give a short description what you are looking to do, I'll usually accept.
You'll find that MMO populations are mostly casual. ESO happens to be more casual than most. So, as you said, people are indeed more intent on doing their own thing.
2) For a significant number of new players, their first social interaction is via the dungeon finder. Where they will be berated and blamed for doing poor DPS just because you're not 100 hours into the game, have great gear sets and mastered the rotations.
So after a few dungeon finder runs, most players would keep their social butterfly selves in check until they can join a guild and get their social jollies there. Meanwhile these same players will either quit or play long enough to do better DPS where in they will once again come across new players in queues and they will abuse the newbies in turn and thus the cycle is perpetuated.
Not to mention the fake and/or speedrunner tanks and the actual griefers.
Thus it's not logical to go around seeking to make friends. Just like real life, you keep to your own and treat others with indifference until they come talk to you and force an interaction.