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And about coma, well... You already describe it when you explained about consciousness... Coma it's a state of low consciousness, and when your pawn reach 10% ou consciousness they will pass out.
Starvation is an interesting example because if your electrolyte levels drop too low and that was compounded by blood loss your heart will stop beating.
Yours isn't a bad idea but a lot of the consciousness dropping mechanics sync well with blood loss and can explain someone dying very easily.
Blood loss Extreme: Limits consciousness to 10%, it has no consciousness reduction.
Blood loss Severe: Reduces consciousness by 40%.
What can happen is a colonist is at extreme blood loss and doing fine, they are patched up, they are laying in bed recovering, they get "better" and blood loss is changed from extreme to severe and they die from it. Things like pain, malnutrition, or effects from drugs suddenly adds up to -100% consciousness when it was fine before.
I have to be honest, this mechanic more than anything else in the game is what tends to kill my pawns these days. You can have a lot of injured people, docs go around patching up the wounds until they are exhausted and go to bed, and nobody gets around to feeding the injured as that's a lower priority compared to stopping people from bleeding to death. patients get slightly malnourished, then their blood recovers to severe and suddenly a colonist you thought was fine just dies.