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I did do some grinding in between, like always, to be better prepared for the bosses. As a general JRPG rule, normal fights are always pushovers, bosses are always unfair.
I was actually more concerned about not doing a whole lot of upgrading -- because the system felt extremely tedious and very unpredictable. I did it up to some extent, but even then it was overwhelming and unclear what the best approach would be, so i pretty much ignored it.
I do remember NOT going back to chapter 11 after the end as I intended -- I left some unfinished business there and assumed I might be able to do these monsters after leveling up some more -- but finishing the last boss opened up another tier to level, and the only good leveling place was inaccessible...
Maybe those guys could have been killed before with the correct handling, like the final boss, but back then the idea to level up and come back seemed the right thing to do, contrary to a final boss you can't kill even though you're at max level.
re: 2) there's no need to adopt a highly defensive playstyle. All you need is enough defense to give you enough time to react to emergencies. One of the best ways to add defense is by equipping defensive accessories. You should have at least one Black Belt and enough random upgrading materials from enemy drops to easily max it. 20% damage reduction is a lot of extra resilience to help you mitigate the influence of RNG. I'd also advise giving some attention to when and whether your attacks are disrupting and/or interrupting enemy actions since manipulating enemy disruption to suppress enemy actions is one of the best ways to enable more aggressive strategies.
re: 3) you're right that the game doesn't require you to learn its mechanics, but it is constantly giving you different opportunities that enable and encourage learning different mechanics. I'd recommend trying to dominate the easier fights instead of settling for just getting by, as this will better prepare you for the more difficult fights.
As a general rule, player strategy and skill are extremely important in FFXIII. If you're feeling like you get randomly killed and there's nothing you could have done, then you're overlooking some things you could have done. If you're feeling like there's only one way to win any given fight, you're missing options that allow other ways to win.
I've also definitely skipped a fair few of the optional harder enemies. Those tougher enemies just feel like such a grind, gradually building up the stagger metre and chipping away at their health.
Once more, if I had time to stop, think and carefully plan an effective combo that would get better results it might be more compelling, but instead it's just a grind.
It's a pretty bad sign when I've found myself picking up my phone to browse Reddit during fights because all I have to do is mash the A button to auto queue attacks.