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After you have selected the type of game you want to create, you will be given the opportunity to set the details of the game, such as rules set, map type and size, and so on. Once you are satisfied with the settings, click "Confirm Settings" to proceed. You will be taken to a staging room to configure the number of civs in the game and to assign those civs to be player- or AI-controlled.
The final step is to get the other player(s) into your game. They may be able to join your game from the multiplayer lobby (by selecting the same game type that you created). If not, then you can send them an invite to join your game through your Steam friend's list. Once all the players are in the game and everyone has clicked "ready" the game will begin.
There are two kinds of "highlighting" that occur in the list of games (although this may be hard to see in a list of one game, such as your lan game list would presumably be). When you mouse-over a line in the list, the line highlights so that you know where you are pointing. This highlight starts dark at the top of the line and ends bright at the bottom of the line. A line that has been highlighted in this way is not selected.
The other highlight occurs when you click on a line. This highlighting is uniformly bright (although not as bright as the brightest parts of the first highlight), and additionally puts a brighter outline around the line. This indicates that the line has been selected, and should cause the "Join Game" button to light up. Note that when you first click a line you will also have the mouse-over that line, so both kinds of highlighting will be in effect on top of one another. The result of this is that when you move the mouse away from the line it will get darker; this does not mean that the line is no longer selected... if the line has been selected properly and is still selected then that line should have a box around it after you move the mouse pointer away. (Edit: If so, and if the "Join Game" button is still green - which it should be - then you can click "Join Game" to join.)
If my description is difficult to follow (which is probably the case), then you may want to go into Multiplayer-> Internet so that you have a list of many games and can experiment with selecting different lines and see the visual effects I am describing for yourself. This may allow you to have confidence that you are selecting the game properly from the lan games list.
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If you are not able to figure out the interface then I would suggest instead sending an invite to join the game over Steam to the would-be joining player. Once you have created the game and are in the Staging Room, open your Steam friends list and right-click on the invitee. Look for the section "Civilization VI" and then click on the line "Invite to Lobby" below that. This should bypass the need to select the server from a list.
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Note that in order for either of these methods to work, you must both be eligible to join a game together. This means that both of you must be playing the same version of the game on the same platform (ie, if one of you is on a PC and the other is on a Mac then it isn't going to work out). You must both have the same DLCs active (if one owns DLCs that the other does not, then they can disable those excess DLCs to solve this issue), and you must both have absolutely identical sets of community mods active (including modified game files). Any discrepancy may prevent you from playing together.
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Edit: Oh, I forgot to mention: about the box in the lower-left corner with your name on it... that is not used as part of the process of selecting a server to join or joining the server. That is so that two friends who are trying to get into a game together can communicate without needing another app. For example, one might ask the other for the name of the server or the password, if those details had not been decided upon previously. I would not expect that you two would need to use this feature in your situation.
I don't know what the LAN game isn't showing up, but it should still be possible to create the LAN game and then send an invite over Steam. Since accepting that invite does not depend on finding the game in the list, it should be possible to accept the invite and join the game.
Thanks again.
My and my son see each other in the friends list and can send messages and chat (so no firwall problems). However, if I create a LAN game there is no way to let it appear in the list of available games in his lobby. We have same CIV6 version (rise and fall) and same DLC.
Last incredible detail, we were normally able to a LAN game until a couple of months ago. After a period we didn't play and some automatic updates, trying to start a LAN game has become a nightmare...