Error 126, KERNELBASE.dll, unhandled exception...

[LetThemEatCake]

So when I try to boot from x64 (my OS is 64-bit), I get this error message:

Application: Transistor.exe
Framework Version: v4.0.30319
Description: The process was terminated due to an unhandled exception.
Exception Info: System.IO.DirectoryNotFoundException
Stack:
at System.IO.__Error.WinIOError(Int32, System.String)
at System.IO.FileSystemEnumerableIterator`1[[System.__Canon, mscorlib, Version=4.0.0.0, Culture=neutral, PublicKeyToken=b77a5c561934e089]].CommonInit()
at System.IO.FileSystemEnumerableIterator`1[[System.__Canon, mscorlib, Version=4.0.0.0, Culture=neutral, PublicKeyToken=b77a5c561934e089]]..ctor(System.String, System.String, System.String, System.IO.SearchOption, System.IO.SearchResultHandler`1<System.__Canon>, Boolean)
at System.IO.Directory.GetFiles(System.String, System.String)
at GSGE.Code.Helpers.FileFactory.DirectoryGetFiles(System.String, System.String)
at GSGE.Fonts.Init(System.String)
at GSGE.ExceptionGame.LoadContent()
at Microsoft.Xna.Framework.Game.Initialize()
at Microsoft.Xna.Framework.Game.Run(Microsoft.Xna.Framework.GameRunBehavior)
at Microsoft.Xna.Framework.Game.Run()
at Game.Windows.Program.Run[[System.__Canon, mscorlib, Version=4.0.0.0, Culture=neutral, PublicKeyToken=b77a5c561934e089]](GSGE.IBugReporter[])
at Game.Windows.Program.Main(System.String[])

When I try to boot from x86, I get this:

Faulting application name: Transistor.exe, version: 1.0.0.0, time stamp: 0x537c4d40
Faulting module name: KERNELBASE.dll, version: 6.1.7601.18409, time stamp: 0x53159a86
Exception code: 0xe0434352
Fault offset: 0x0000c42d
Faulting process id: 0x84c
Faulting application start time: 0x01cf74c5cd9fd029
Faulting application path: C:\Program Files (x86)\Steam\SteamApps\common\Transistor\x86\Transistor.exe
Faulting module path: C:\Windows\syswow64\KERNELBASE.dll
Report Id: 0f524a97-e0b9-11e3-b885-dc0ea1945212

As you may have guessed, it never launches at all. Anyone smarter than me have a suggestion?

I have tried:
verifying the game files
Re-installing
running the redist files directly from x86 and x64
Copying the contents of "contents" into x64 and running the game directly from there
Running the game as Admin
Running in XP compatability mode (service packs 2 and 3)
Pouring baby oil over keyboard and ejecting console from window
masturbating with own tears

[Pancakes]

It's incredibly late, but if it's ever useful for others, uninstalling the version of net framework that is installed and then installing version v4.0.30319 .NET framework has worked for me.