what would mr dude say? ( catharsis reborn)

[Jimmothy fatnugs]

hello postal fan base,
i am the voice actor for the postal dude in the catarsis reborn mod.
and as many as you know the postal dude in postal 3 mostly reused all the old catchphrases and witty comments. and i want this mod to be the best it can be with all new origional diolouge, jokes, quips,ect. so im asking you, postal fan base, to post some things you think the postal dude would say.and if theyre good enough they might be used in the end product.
thanks for you support and participation


- whos your hombre aka the dude

[Queen HawlSera]

Hmmm?

Let me think.... I haven't played Postal 3... but... oh this is going to drive me crazy. I'm a writer by trade, I can come up with brillaint things.... until I'm put on the spot. Isn't that always how it is?

Let's try
In General
"You get your your THICK PHALLUS back here!"

Upon Killing
"Mama didn't raise no ♥♥♥♥♥! Mama didn't raise me at all actually..."
"I guess you now identify as Trans Mortality!"
"On days like these, kids like you... uhhh you're already doing it..."
"Well it DID make the pain go away."
"Tell Satan I said, he's welcome for the Uwe Boll film"
"I may not be the one's right, but I'm the one who's left!"

Upon Getting Hit
*delirious* "I can see forever!"
*delirious* "Dad is that you?"
*pained* "I still don't regret anything"
*delighted* "I feel a stirring in what's left in my loins."
*delighted* "Starting to enjoy the pain...."

I just ask to be credited for any lines used, but that's fair don't you agree? (as Jessica "HawlSera" Nichols-Vernon I'll play more Postal 2 and think of some lines.

If I had a copy of Postal 3 I could probably think of better lines since they'd be in proper context. I'm not on for begging, but if you could spare me a copy I would appreciate it.

[Queen HawlSera]

"Like this is your first time being shot at."
"Well if you'd stop running it wouldn't hurt as badly."
"Personally I'm just amazed it took more than one shot to the head."
"One bullet between the eyes hasn't affected your aim at all."
"If I had a nickel for everyone I've killed... hahaha... well I guess I could buy a candy bar."
"And you ask why, why I must kill... well... why not?"
"♥♥♥♥, well that ruins MY Pacifist Run!"
"If I kill enough of you, does a spooky scary skeleton show up?" (Undertale reference)
"Don't worry about burial costs. My dog Champ needed new puppy chow anyway."
"Tell Gary, I said sorry that I'm not sorry."
"That's one less vote for Trump."
"Just think of how much cooler your death would be if I had mods installed."
"I guess THIS is the difference between a duck."
"Running With Scissors? Don't mind if I do!"
"If you come back to haunt me, I'll share Randi's million with ya!" (Reference to James Randi, an Atheist Speaker who once offered a million dollars to anyone who could prove the supernatural, he's been accused and sued over rigging the contest in his favor.. Nothing has ever been proven one way or the other)

"If I say sociopathy is my mental disability, is it really politically correct to tell me to stop?"

"Happiness is a Dead Body!"

"It's not that I have anything against killing children, there just never seem to be any around."

"Hopefully Dawkins was wrong...." (Reference to Richard Dawkins, Famous Atheist, has declared the Afterlife to be a child's fantasy and nothing more)

"Well the good news is, you have no more questions about life after death."

"You were breathing all of the oxygen, I had to protect my share!"

"I doubt living was THAT important to you."

"You made direct eye contact, shouldn't have done that."

"Sorry, I thought you WANTED me to slay you."

"Life is tough, but yours is over now."

[Vile Sentry]

After taking catnip: "I regret everything"
(or maybe a line for the pacifist ending)

While rampaging: "Sorry, I tried to miss"
"Wow, those hitboxes don't suck" (assuming the hitboxes don't suck
"Catharsis PD 0- Postal dude 1" (counts up as you kill, similar to "one for your mother" also, obvious zodiac reference so I could see not wanting to use that one but I think we know the game we are talking about)
"See when I look at you, you seem fine, but when I use this shotgun, fermaldahyde face!" (sorry for the mispelling, when you use shotgun although line can be altered to gun)
"Life's a ♥♥♥♥♥, and the ♥♥♥♥♥ is in heat" (another straight they live reference, but it kind of works since postal was a parody of FPS games and this would be the lesser quoted line from they line compared to the duke nukem one, making for a nice parody along with a cool homage)
"You look like you've been affected by mind altering chemicals sprayed by the government. I know the look"
"I am the penguin" (yes obvious reference to actual horrible event at aurora, but we know why he wears a trench coat, right? Not a thing postal seems to shy away from completely. That said, can be replaced with "riddler" or whatever, I just thought penguin was the silliest choice)


Upon taking crack or health pipe (assuming that's in this game)
"I swear, it's medicinal" -"No really, I have a prescription"- "it helps my schizophrenia!" - "Look, would you prefer the voices?" (happening one after the other if taken one after the other.
"Was this laced with something?"
"I hope this doesn't have gameplay mechanic balance based reprucussions"
"This tastes like my ex wife's mouth. Probably the same thing she says about me when she smokes this crap"


After eating dog food (assuming this is an option, if not then catnip)
"It tastes like it smells....delicious"
"helps me unlike the animal inside"

While being arrested or aproached by cops
"I have two more guns hidden up my ass, better check for them"

While commiting suicide (better be a feature)
"let me think......nope, still no regrets" (not the most clever but I think it would be funny)
"Light up my life"

[Jenny_MCII™]

(after killing someone)
See you in Paradise (postal 1 and 2 city reference)
I've got free tickets to hell i'm sure you want them.
Don't you have extra limb?

[Jenny_MCII™]

By the way could you create a video with your voice ? I want to hear it :)

[Queen HawlSera]

Some of those are really good guys. I really like the "would you prefer the voices." I read quite a few of those in PD's voice.

Especially the "I regret everything"

"My feelings are more potent than mere Hatred." (Reference to Postal 1 Ripoff Hatred)

"I think that chicken wants to make me a pizza..." (After catnip. Reference to Five Nights At Freddy's)

"Hey you're getting off easy, if I die the game just reloads and I'm STILL in Postal 3"

"If I say I'm transgender, will you get a lady cop to frisk me?" (When getting arrested) (for the record I'm transgender myself. But if Tumblr isn't reading too much into the dialogue we have failed)

"In my defense, you'd go crazy to if some Russian incompetents made a game about you." (When getting arrested)

"Does anyone even blame video games for violence anymore?" (A call back to "the funny thing is I don't even like video games" from Postal 2)

"If only we had some lesbians... maybe politicians would care again."

"Hey gamergate. I'm pansexual, black, and gender fluid. Hahaha not really I just wanted to see if you'd rage quit if I said that"

[Queen HawlSera]

"Eat the grenade to replenish your healthbar." (Video Game Dunkey refrence)

"Video games don't make you violent, Ackella does!"

"And to think all these 2016 pop culture references are happening during my coma from back in 2005.... Ooops Spoiler Alert!" (Paradise Lost reference)

"Am I part race horse? I swear this stream never stops!" (If you pee for a very long time)

"This game needs a bigger censor bar..." (When looking at self in the mirror with pants unzipped)

[Queen HawlSera]

"Not even close, baby!" (only plays when health is incredibly low, making the statement a blatant lie)

[Vile Sentry]

The profile picture makes me wish this postal dude was going to sound like Carl from ATHF.

If that's the case, "GO GIANTS!!!"

[Queen HawlSera]

引用自 DriscolDevil：

The profile picture makes me wish this postal dude was going to sound like Carl from ATHF.

If that's the case, "GO GIANTS!!!"

"Look, all I know is that this chourd here was plugged into my house, and your house was glowing like the freaking sun. So I put two and two together there and decided that you're pissing me off."

Heh

[Vile Sentry]

引用自 La Plus Francais Widowmaker：

引用自 DriscolDevil：

The profile picture makes me wish this postal dude was going to sound like Carl from ATHF.

If that's the case, "GO GIANTS!!!"

"Look, all I know is that this chourd here was plugged into my house, and your house was glowing like the freaking sun. So I put two and two together there and decided that you're pissing me off."

Heh

god I love how rewatchable that show is.

[IMCR8Z]

When getting arrested

(singing) "Don't wanna be an American Idiot!" (Green Day reference)

"It's just a prank, bro!"

"I'm not the Dude you're looking for." (obvious Star Wars reference is obvious)

"Evening, Comissioner." (The Dark Knight reference)


When killing people

Name in brackets denotes lines specific to kills using cerain weapons or methods.

"F*ck, there goes my chance at Silent Assassain." [First kill in a playthrough] (Hitman reference)

"Come on and SLAM!" [Grenade] (Space Jam reference)

"BFG and RYNO ain't got sh*t on this baby!" [M60, Bazooka, or Badgersaw] (referencing both DooM and Ratchet & Clank)

"Woah, I better turn this thing off at the movies!" [Bazooka] (Homestar Runner reference)

"RIP AND TEAR!" [Any melee weapon that can hack off limbs] (DooM comic reference)

"You have a REGULAR arm?! That's...lame!" [Severed arm] (Captain America: Civil War reference)

"Mighty foot engaged!" [Severed foot/leg] (Duke Nukem 3D reference)

"Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!" [Any kind of severed limb]

(old man impression) "Back in my day, this thing never ran out of bullets!" [M16] (POSTAL 1 reference)

(various sounds imitating a lightsaber) [Machete] (again, obvious Star Wars reference)

"When your r*ctum is in ashes, then you have my permission to die." [Any fire weapon] (The Dark Knight Rises reference)

"AI that survives more than one gunshot to the head? WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!"[Headshot if it doesn't insta-kill] (Angry Video Game Nerd reference)

(fast infomercial voice) "Hey, kids! Free Krotchy dolls courtesy of Grandpa Laden! Batteries not included, made in China, will blow up and kill your entire family, Grandpa Laden is copyright Al Qaeda, Inc." [Krotchy doll]

"Ladies and gentlemen, start your screaming!" [any weapon] (Batman Returns reference, altered the quote to include "ladies" because the Dude is an equal oppurtunity lunatic)


On death

(singing) "I am dead, dead, dead. I am dead, dead, dead!" [Total Distortion reference]

(whistles/hums the death tune from the original Super Mario Brothers)

"That's enough of this sh*t!" (Another AVGN reference)

"Dude? Dude?! DUUUUDE!!!" (Metal Gear Solid reference)

[LN95]

Best ones will be in the mod proper.

[Jimmothy fatnugs]

hey guys. just want yall to know i read through all of it. alot of this stuff is pretty top notch. all contributors will be credited within game. keep sendin anything u got.

[Queen HawlSera]

引用自 WHOS YOUR HOMBRE?：

hey guys. just want yall to know i read through all of it. alot of this stuff is pretty top notch. all contributors will be credited within game. keep sendin anything u got.

Squeeee, fingers crossed that I made the cut.

Let's see here

"Propane really IS God's Gas!" (King Of The Hill reference, plays upon shooting something that explodes)

"You seem thirsty!" (When peeing on someone)

"It's an acquired taste...." (Sometimes when you pee into your own mouth)

There's a weapon that you activate by anally fingering a badger if I'm not mistake (I have never played Postal 3) upon using it. "I can almost see what the furries get out of this..."

"Dad.... I... I see you.... should have called it..." (sounding heavily pained) (Plays when getting hit on low health)

"Obama's gonna take away my guns? I still have THIS..." (When using a melee or non-gun projectile) (I'm Liberal myself, Politically speaking I'd see The Dude leaning more towards the Right Wing, mostly be a libertarian at heart, since he hates Political Correctness, Censorship, and favors the second amendment.. Though admittedly I'd see him supporting whichever Political Party was funnier at the time.. like when he shows support for Hillary by killing someone)

"Now that's what I call a near death experience.... let me push you over that ledge."