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Category: Comedic and Serious
Text: I arrived at the scene outside the Benevolent Bank shortly after P.C. World had cleared the scene. I first spoke to a witness claiming that she had seen the culprit setting himself alight before running "impossiably fast" into the bank. This is corroborated by the scorch marks on the pavement outside, seemingly left by a molotov cocktail. She believes this increase in speed is connected to the snake tattoo she claims to have seen on the suspect. However, she decided not to call police because her ex-husband is the manager, and decided he "had it coming".
I next spoke to an account manager claiming to have witnessed his screen flashing an "Operation Failed" message. He says he then saw a man in suit and mask crouch up to his desk and hack into his computer. He attests that the man then took his keycard and left, seeming to repeatedly run, jump, and crouch towards the door, looking ridiculous in the process. The witness also added "I chose not to alert the authorities as I hate this job so much I didn't care".
I then spoke to the manager. He apparently noticed that the time locked door had opened, and that the safe in his office was opened and emptied, but was too busy "looking down at all the plebs" to think about it for too long.
Afterwards, I spoke to guards on duty. There seemed to be a lax mindset towards the entire matter. One guard, named Barney, was happy to show me his newly learned Kozak dance, but knew nothing about the heist. One poor man seemed to have been incapacitated by a poisoned cake, much to Barney's amusement. I did, however, have one guard mention that he saw blood stains on the walls and the open vault and elevator but said he didn't find it all that suspicious as "that kind of stuff happened everywhere I have worked before" - I don't even know why people use GenSec at this point.
Inside the vault there were some discarded OVKL Toolsys 2.0 Drills and OVE9000 Saw Blades strewn around the floor. There was also a severed thumb by the control panel, which I assume was used to gain entry. Apart from this it was completely empty - no trace of gold or money, and all deposit boxes emptied.
The final person I spoke to was the pager operator. He says to have been paged three times during the time window we think the heist occured in. He mentioned that he thought it was weird that the responses were in Japanese but said he wasn't "getting paid enough for this [REDACTED]". How are GenSec still in business?
Due to the similarities in attire and the use of the particular model of drills and saw blades, I must conclude that it is, once again, the Payday Gang. I, therefore, pass this on to the FBI as, in the words of the pager operator, I don't get paid enough for this [REDACTED].
Category: Comedic
Text: This is an outrage! Another Harvest and Trustee bank was robbed once again, and while the usual police casualties have been avoided, every civillian in a 2 block radius has been killed. Their bodies have been lying on the cold pavement for god knows how long before anyone even discovered them, and somehow the civillians in the neighbouring buildings did not even bother to call the police despite having peeked out their curtains and witnessing the PAYDAY gang wearing these cuuuuute anime mascot masks...ahem, and somehow sneaking around and massacring people with machine guns, miniguns and rocket launchers.... okay, the fear might have gotten them there. But that doesn't excuse the fact that nothing was done while the clowns left only an entire hour later, having picklocked every single deposit box after they could be heard arguing over how someone forgot to bring a saw or ammo bags.
CCTV footage has even captured the suspects slapping each other with wads of dollar bills out of boredom simply to entertain themselves, before proceeding to slap everything possible with said dollar bills for at least 30 minutes! Autopsies performed on some of the bodies confirmed that they were killed by... again, of all things, I seriously doubt this is humanely possible.... the aforementioned wads of money. Is this even humanely possible!?
UPDATE: Don't ask how I'm still writing this, but I have just been taken hostage by the PAYDAY gang, who've started a brazen assault in the FBI building that I have been stationed in. Somehow, the escaped prisoner known as Hoxton is hacking our servers, but there's ALSO another Hoxton wearing a nice suit and a tiara shooting at our forces!? I clearly recognize their faces, and I've heard the recordings of his interrogations so I recognize his voice as well. I can't get over the fact that I had been musing over how his voice is just smooth and sexy- wait, he just got downed by a barrage of police fire-- why am I feeling obligated to help him by exchanging myself for his release? I mean, the gang hasn't shot at me, and the flashbangs that were lobbed at them happen to be really.... uncomfortable?... for the hostages here as well, so anything to get out of that mess, i suppose.
RE:UPDATE: Officer Denise Raela has been sent for a psych evaluation. She has been stated to have had a case of Stockholm Syndrome and will be put off the cases involving the PAYDAY gang for an extended period of time. Someone will be down to take her to the Hoxton Fanclu--- mental institution shortly after her next session with the psychiatrist.
Catagory: Serious
Text: a septic truck crashed into the one of the major harvest and trustee bank
the robbers then made their way to the vault and emptied the vault and they got away with 10 thousand dollars they made their way through the sewers and stole a garbage truck
and uhh don't tell anyone else this but uhh we kinda lost sight of that truck
Category: Comedic.
Text:
Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away, me and Harribo where down chilling by the Plum shop, when out of nowhere a Skyfoogle with terrible fashion sense swaggers into a jewelry shop round the street and starts shooting up the crowd. The bodies went Kaboom, Kaboom, only to be drowned out by the distressed screaming from little David Alexandra sitting in the van who “wanted to do it stealth” Me and the harribo whip out our best asset from our pants and hop on board our greatest innovation in transport technology.
“shOOt and sCoOT” I scream as a skate towards the criminals, Tony hawk would have been impressed. I park up and stand still for 30 seconds remembering what I was doing. “Ah, Police brutality, my favourite” I said as I beat one of the naughty criminal boiz with a fork.
“AAAAGH I need a medic baggg” one moaned.
“noicE” I whispered. I turned to the other and dryly spoke “No breathing”
Suddenly, another heister came out of the store clutching a bag of Money. His expression went from pride to complete terror went he saw I, Officer Michael Rosen on top of the screaming criminal. Doing two barrel roles, I jumped towards him, but he as faster.
“omae wa mou shindeiru” he whispered, before shooting me in the chest.
“OUCH” I groaned, but I quickly healed myself by eating the Chocolate cake.
After neutralizing the Heisters, Commissioner Garret got out his Fiat 50 and gave me a medal for my valiant work towards crime fighting.
“MMM” I said as I licked my lips.
Category: Serious
Text: 4d 72 2e 20 47 61 72 72 65 74 2c 20 49 20 68 61 76 65 20 6c 6f 63 61 74 65 64 20 61 20 70 6f 73 73 69 62 6c 65 20 6c 6f 63 61 74 69 6f 6e 20 6f 6e 20 77 68 65 72 65 20 79 6f 75 72 20 73 74 72 61 6e 67 65 20 6f 62 6a 65 63 74 20 69 73 2e 20 49 74 20 61 70 70 65 61 72 73 20 74 6f 20 62 65 20 75 6e 64 65 72 20 70 72 6f 74 65 63 74 69 6f 6e 20 62 79 20 73 6f 6d 65 20 63 69 74 69 7a 65 6e 73 20 69 6e 20 61 20 73 6d 61 6c 6c 20 74 6f 77 6e 20 63 61 6c 6c 65 64 20 53 74 69 72 6c 69 6e 67 20 43 69 74 79 20 28 39 35 39 37 38 29 2e 20 54 68 65 72 65 20 68 61 73 20 61 6c 73 6f 20 62 65 65 6e 20 6d 6f 76 65 6d 65 6e 74 20 6f 66 20 64 72 75 67 20 70 72 6f 64 75 63 74 69 6f 6e 20 74 72 61 69 6c 69 6e 67 20 74 68 72 6f 75 67 68 2c 20 77 65 20 61 6c 6d 6f 73 74 20 77 65 72 65 20 6e 6f 74 20 61 62 6c 65 20 74 6f 20 64 65 74 65 63 74 65 64 20 74 68 65 69 72 20 70 72 65 73 73 65 6e 63 65 2c 20 77 68 69 63 68 20 63 6f 75 6c 64 20 62 65 20 61 20 73 69 67 6e 20 74 68 61 74 20 77 68 6f 65 76 65 72 20 69 73 20 62 65 68 69 6e 64 20 74 68 69 73 20 6f 70 65 72 61 74 69 6f 6e 20 6d 61 64 65 20 73 75 72 65 20 74 6f 20 6b 65 65 70 20 74 68 65 69 72 20 61 73 73 65 74 73 20 73 61 66 65 2e 20 49 20 68 61 76 65 20 6d 61 64 65 20 61 20 63 6f 70 79 20 6f 66 20 6d 79 20 66 75 6c 6c 20 72 65 70 6f 72 74 20 6f 6e 20 74 68 65 20 62 65 73 74 20 63 6f 75 72 73 65 20 6f 66 20 61 63 74 69 6f 6e 20 74 6f 20 72 65 74 72 69 65 76 65 20 79 6f 75 72 20 69 74 65 6d 20 6f 6e 20 6d 79 20 66 6c 61 73 68 64 72 69 76 65 2c 20 49 20 68 61 76 65 20 65 6e 74 72 75 73 74 65 64 20 74 68 61 74 20 69 74 20 68 61 73 20 62 65 65 6e 20 73 65 63 75 72 65 64 20 66 6f 72 20 64 65 6c 69 76 65 72 79 20 62 79 20 4d 75 72 6b 65 79 77 61 74 65 72 27 73 20 54 72 61 6e 73 70 6f 72 74 2e
Category: Serious
Text:
My C.I. named [Redacted] that was in Chavez gang down town and told us about a panic room money and coke, we where plaining a sting on the place but then [Redacted] Told me that the payday gang was plaining a little deal with Chavez place, little did we know it wasn't a deal they wanted to do. But the panic room Chavez had, we tired rushing to the scene but it was too late. Chavez crew tried taking them down but they where too strong. in the end the panic room was gone and our efforts to stop it was a bust. countless interviews brought us no where. but we found out that the payday gang seems to really hate snipers, I'll try and get the news to Garrett but I'm sure he won't trust [Redacted] yet. here's hoping
Update-in this news he have the sniper team better guns. but still lacking in training
-Syo
Category: comedy
Text: As a security guard at the mckendrick museum of ancient art I was doing my rounds when out of nowhere I saw a strange woman wearing a tiara. I presumed her to be a member of a royal family, so I ask her to stay were she was when I call in swat to escort her around town as it didn't seem save for her to go around unprotected. However when swat arrived three (3) men wearing sunglasses armed with shotguns and semi automatic rifles got around her to protect her it seemed like she had her own guards so I was going to call off swat and show her around the museum and see how she would like our prized possession, the Hope Diamond. However her guard started shooting at the swat officers. It seemed to be a slightly misunderstanding so I slowly approached them from behind and was going to kindly ask them to stop. They seemed to be in the mood to talk as they asked me to “put your hand up” and “cuff yourself” so I did and they approached me it seemed they were looking to talk when they uncuffed me and gave me my gun back. However the fact the nine hundred and seventy six (976) offices were killed and one thousand one hundred and ninety two (1192) were wounded the fighting carried on for much longer. They seemed to want me to shoot the swat officers so to please the princess and her guards I just shot near the swat agents. While trying to tell them about the misunderstanding but it seemed they couldn't hear me with all the shooting going on.
As the fighting carried on we moved further and further back into the museum it seemed they wanted to see the hope diamond after all so I politely told them about the poison gas if they step on the wrong tile that's when the presumed princess told me “thanks” in a very thick irish accent. I didn't believe that the irish still had a royal family but I would just google it later. After they got the diamond they went to the courtyard and lit a flare after a while a helicopter showed up to pick them up. I wished them best of luck on their journey when I was tackled and handcuffed. The commanding officer captain winters asked me “what the hell was I thinking, letting the payday gang get away” I responded by asking him “why would the payday gang be with the irish princess”
As it turns out ireland doesn't have a princess and I now have dozens of felonies on me. I’ve been told my chance at parole will be in a year on the other side of green bridge as well if i'm given parole i’ll get my old job back. I just hope those yakuza members who also have parole that day don't stab me.
Category: serious
Text: October 20th, 2014, at 10:37am, ten days after the Commissar incident. My name is Officer James Johnson I'm working with the FBI for 6 years until I've got a urgent message by the director that James Hoxworth
had escaped during the engagement on a retrial with him in court. 4 mask vigilantes were responsible for the escape with Hoxworth. The alarm was sounded that the team are on route
to the designated location of the event that has been currently placed in. The Swats has arrived just when the criminals were about to head out of the building that they exited in. There were heavy fighting with the four masked men during Hoxworth's escape in an armored truck that the crew were protecting. After they arrived the outside in the garage after they've got passed blocks in the progress. The first masked guy grabbed the ticket just as they about to enter the garage. The bollards has been activated when they've came to a stop. We thought they are trapped at first until two of the men split up to find the control room to drop the bollards when the other two stayed by the truck to cover Hoxworth from the forces. After a few minutes, they've managed to kill off an Elite Bulldozer in the progress. the two guys are hacking the computer to drop the bollards, while the other two are standing strong against the cops to defend Hoxworth from us. Unfortunately, the criminals got away after they have punched the ticket in. This isn't good for another criminal escape, but another member in their criminal organization. After the next day came, another serious problem has occurred during the day has come. The four mask criminals have arrived at The Source, one of the biggest FBI buildings that we ever had in our days. They are heading to the control room to find out who set him up since we know that Hector betrayed them at the end, but that's a different story. It was total hurlyburly in building, Hoxworth is starting to find out where does Hector live while the others cover him. During the hacking, the criminals has encountered multiple errors like a missing hard drive, required improved security clerence so that we can't hack them back to stop the search and looking for some DNA relating to Hector. we've heard that they have copied all of the info on a server to take with them for further investigation to look for Hector. We started to start one final assault attack against the gang but like before, no avail and they just managed to use a keycard that they've been holding through the whole time when they've arrived downstairs in the parking lot. We've fully lost them after their escape. I need to contact Hector that the four masked men have found out where he is, this is seriously not going to be good when they have arrived to his location.
Category: Serious
Text: We almost managed to catch two influential heist crews in the crime world in one (Cabot’s crew and the PAYDAY Gang) after a sting operation gone so horribly wrong at the Garnet Group boutique in the L.A shopping area. Cabot’s men collected the loot, cased the place and supplied Bain’s crew with liquid nitrogen, and the PAYDAY Gang did the dirty work. Bain’s crew froze the locks on the vault door and shattered them with C4. Ice shards and shrapnel hospitalized five SWAT units reporting to the scene and damaged some police equipment, including the rotation joint on a SWAT Turret. The officers are due to recover soon. In a final desperate attempt to repel the crew, we flooded the vault with gas and increased our efforts to bring them into custody, but even that proved unsuccessful as the crew emptied out the vault, used a zipline to ferry the bags to a car positioned on the street nearby (which is also where they retrieved the liquid nitrogen) and escape through the shopping area to a van parked out back. Intercepted radio transmissions confirm that Bain was captured by an unknown organization during the commotion of the sting. It’s unfortunate that we weren’t able to catch him ourselves, but it’s likely that the PAYDAY gang will be rendered practically inept without a leader.
Garrett’s notes: So Bain’s gonna be gone for a while, huh. It is a shame that someone else got to him before we did. I doubt this will stop the PAYDAY Gang, though. They’ve got plenty of good leaders and contacts in just their crew alone, not to mention those who have gotten close to them through continuous requests of their services. The PAYDAY Gang is like a Hydra: Cut one head off, and two more are ready to take its place. We need to try and decapitate each head and then cauterize the wound so that it never comes back.
Category: Serious
N° Case: 24123
Details of Event: The high class casino Golden Grin was robbed clean at around 8:32 pm, reports from the owner state that several stacks of cash were stolen, estimates are around 10,000,000 dollars and a "special box" that the owner did not gave any information on, in addition there was severe property damage including: Bullet holes, a skylight, several slot machines, we also found several empty bags that seem to contain several types of ammunition and medical supplies.
The clowns seem to have arrive in a limo at around 7:00pm, witness reports say they looked very weird, casing the entire place, at around 7:15pm is when the LVPD got a 911 call reporting several gunshots at the Golden Grin, the clowns used a blimp to transport a Water pressure drill that the clowns nickname "The big ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ drill", not before raiding the casino weapons stash (Please note that the casino is under investigation for illegally owning plastic explosives) after cleaning the vault chambers, the clowns made haste and escaped with everything inside the blimp.
Actions Taken after the heist: We secured a 500mt perimeter around the casino, we search the entire casino for civilians and injured SWAT members. Please note that one of our Rookies mistakenly arrested an Elvis impersonator after thinking said impersonator was a part of the PAYDAY gang, hundreds of bullet casing from different calibers where found, and taken to ballistic forensics for analysis, several zip-lines apparently used for the transport of money were also dismantled and were sent to be analyzed. While inspecting the vault we werent allowed in a room inside the vault, our agents were only told that a "Special box" was stolen, the owner gave no physical description of said item. In conclusion, we determined this to be a textbook heist, carefully planned and flawlessly executed, they PAYDAY gang came ready and armed to the teeth. This just gets to show what they are truly capable of.
Category: Serious
Text:
Date: July 16th 2015
Time of Incident: 10:36 PM Pacific Standard Time
Description of Incident: 4 masked assailants entered the Casino with their weapons drawn killing multiple security guards on sight. S.W.A.T units were dispatched, however many were killed during the massive exchange of gunfire during the so called “Heist”. Following the shootout, I went on scene to see if there was any evidence I could help uncover. The equipment that was left on scene was multiple drilling apparatuses and what appeared to be a Plasma Arc Cutter used to cut into the vault. The vault was completely cleaned out of all its goods, not even a single dollar remained. Many of the witnesses upon being interviewed stated that they heard one of the assailants shouting in russian which could indicate a new member has joined their gang. The guys over at forensics were no help to us as they couldn’t find anything, not even a strand of hair. Most of the security video was corrupted by some sort of unknown virus which seems to have originated from a busted control panel for the skylight of the casino. Of what little video that was able to be recovered, not much was helpful. It was mostly just footage of the criminals transporting their ill gained loot, however, while most of it appeared to be cash, one item seemed unusual as it appeared to be a mysterious box. The employees and owners of the casino, on the other hand, have not made any acknowledgement to the missing box in any way which raises some suspicions that the box could have contained something highly illegal.
Side Note: The so called “Payday Gang” going through all this trouble of robbing a highly secure casino just to take a possible worthless box is highly concerning. What we should really be questioning right now is “What is inside that box and what does the Payday Gang want with it?”
Category: Comedic
Text: Hello, there was some group running around the fbi building, with crossbows, and longswords, all while wearing some sort of knight armor and helmets, apparently one of their names could be "Jacket", that could just be a codename. I'm pretty sure the people doing this could be the Payday gang, but I'm not sure. Also, I'm pretty sure they have that guy we caught a while ago, "Hoxton" I think his name was, then again, that's probably his codename.
This is Officer Jimbo, signing off.
Category: Serious
Text: On Tuesday at about 9 AM a local bus got hijacked and we were unable to locate it, about 3 hours later 4 men walked into the Benevolent Bank at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue wearing military-grade combat armor and plastic clown masks taking everyone in the main lobby hostage and engaging in a shootout with local police and SWAT, reports say they hacked into the employee area containing the vault from the Server Room before dropping a ceramic pig attached to a crane through the roof of the lobby. I have never seen anything like it in my 8 years on the force. The pig apparently contained an industrial-grade mining drill with a diamond tip which they used to drill through the vault door. Once they got inside the bus that had gone missing 3 hours prior had crashed straight through the wall of a nearby conference room from a nearby parking garage which they started moving the bags of stuff found in the vault. Cash, gold, jewelry, you name it, they took it, stuffed it in a duffle bag, and moved it through that bus into a van of unknown make parked in the garage painted in red and black with a nuclear bomb painted on the side, we have no idea how they even fit in it as there had to have been 30 bags in there, possibly more. They were in and out in exactly 1 hour, and there was nothing left in the vault. We have identified them as being members of The Payday Gang, but we still have no idea who they are, who their leader is, or how they managed to pull this off. The place has never been successfully robbed ever since it was constructed 100 years ago, this is just really baffling to me and everyone else in the force that this was pulled off. They’ve been ramping the intensity up to confuse us, going from small corner stores and those small Harvest & Trustee banks, to using plastic explosives to hit GenSec convoys, which shocked us enough as it was, and now they robbed The Benevolent. Due to how close the bank is to the White House we are going to be stepping up security in the area.
Category: Serious
Text: A warehouse down south at the docks was the, quote-on-quote, "victim" of a shootout against some dirty, good-for-nothing mercenaries, aptly named Murkywater, and the no better Payday gang. According to many eye-witnesses, surveillance feeds and information torn straight from a mercenary's vocal chords, this warehouse was holding many crates and shipping containers filled with contraband sourced from Iraq and Afghanistan. We're talking rifles, gold bullion, narcotics such as cocaine, old-fashioned cash and nuclear warheads. Yep. WMD's in the hands of some filthy freelance military boys. What purpose they had with them is yet to be know, but what confuses me and the force the most is the Payday clowns had already raided this warehouse a couple months prior according to a worker wearing a yellow hardhat, looting the place for similar amounts of illicit goods. So whatever, or whoever, ticked them off to re-raid this shadowy complex and steal a few WMD's confuses me. Either way, the Payday gang is in possession of some serious weaponry.
Update: Several reports tell us that the warheads are not in the hands of the Payday clowns, but are en-route via train to some far-off land to be retrieved by one of the FBI's least-cared about links to the Payday gang, Vlad. Many unofficial sources claim he is an associate of Crime.net, being the one who set up the Tasteful night club raid and the destruction of a downtown mall; according to FBI files, however, Vlad's an upstanding citizen to the United States, so I don't see how he could be associated, never mind mentioned alongside the Payday gang.