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This is compounded unfortunately by the way that the launcher/mod manager doesn't always remove all of the files when you tell it to delete a mod.
(Note that this isn't the case with official DLC, because the content is added to all players games by the patches. The DLC itself only makes it useable by that person, so if for example you want to play Rome Vs Sparta, only the player who wants to play Sparta will need the Greek States DLC.)
You also need to have exactly the same version of the game, so I would check you are both either using Patch 16 OR Patch 17. I think you also can't play multiplayer between different platforms (Windows, Mac etc.)
I would suggest both of you verifying the integrity of the game cache incase one of you has a corrupted file. If that doesn't work, you may need to manually delete all the mods, then install them again one at a time to see if maybe one of those is causing the problem.
Short answer, yes you can do multiplayer with mods with a little coordination between players.
All the Best,
Welsh Dragon.
All the Best,
Welsh Dragon.