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Does the one on the right-hand side respond? The one on the left is missing a piece and you have to repair it before it'll respond.
Do you have any fart spells yet? If so, does your G key work for those? For the arrows/buddy commands, you need to keep F held down while you aim with the mouse and click the left mouse button to fire (while still holding F.) If the issue persists, maybe you should look for a third party program to change the key bindings and re-map the F key. Someone posted a guide for changing your bindings on the Obsidian forums for this game: http://forums.obsidian.net/topic/65740-guide-how-to-have-real-keybindings/
Hope this helps!