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https://support.steampowered.com/kb_article.php?ref=8571-GLVN-8711
If that wont help, be sure that your windows firewall is not blocking the game. I have been able to join private matches just fine, I can also invite others.
This worked. I'd tried joining from the Steam Friends list, and while that put me in the game it didn't get me into the lobby. Before Joining from the Profile page, I also removed the "-internalid XXXX" start option that I'd put in from another thread, so that may have helped too -- I'll try the Join from Friends list again and see if the command option had been causing the problem.
Either way, I could never get it to work when just starting the game on both PCs, so thanks a lot for this.
Ports and firewall were set up okay (by coincidence; I didn't do anything specific); both PCs could see other players in the Matchmaker option, they just couldn't see each other. Thanks for taking the time for the suggestion, though.
This might sound really stupid but can you please explain how to do this workaround joining from friends list? Does the friend have to host the game or me? Please give detailed instructions for both of us the hoster and the joiner, thanks.
Joiner: Open Friends overlay ingame (shift+tab), right click on hoster, click View Profile, and then in the resulting browser window, click the Join Game button.