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As you tried joining without mods you could test connecting both to a vanilla dedicated server to see if it works.
What could help is hoster opening port (2105 if my memory is good) on his rooter.
Another solution would be to to create a server with starbound_server (see CF forum), and maybe use third party softwere like Hamachi.
And use this mod:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1170574488
Solve the most issues of getting kicked for no reason.