Worst review ever?

[MaxGiao]

Just found this little gem at gamerankings.com
The review is from a site called:

http://www.game-over.com

Please dont visit the site, we dont need to give them free money.

Read on.

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By: Brian Mardiney

I'm about to admit to something that, in many reader's minds, will serve to discredit my reviews: I don't finish the vast majority of games that I critique. Further, there are some few games where I don't even make it to the half way point. The reasons for this are various and sundry but all boil down to one indisputable fact; almost every game can be judged with a high degree of accuracy in a matter of minutes if you have enough gaming experience. Call it the game reviewer's "blink" ability. I didn't finish Dark Souls: Prepare to Die Edition. I probably didn't even get half way into it. I'll explain why shortly, but rest assured, this game was easy to appraise, and not in a good way.

First let's get the obvious out of the way. If you don't own an Xbox 360 controller, don't buy this game; move along, there's nothing to see here. The mouse and keyboard controls are so ineptly implemented that I find it hard to believe that anyone at developer From Software even play-tested the damn thing. Needless to say, if you are porting a game from consoles and you can't even be bothered to perfect mouse and keyboard controls, it doesn't bode well for the rest of the experience.

After digging out my 360 controller from the box of "useless old console crap I never wanted to revisit" and re-learning how to use such an archaic and clumsy control system, I finally settled in for this self-styled hard-as-hell RPG. Character creation was pretty much the standard set up, letting you choose your sex, starting class and general look. The facial generation system is subpar, creating almost universally unappealing mugs, but fortunately (unfortunately?) that didn't matter much because, for some stupid reason, you play the game as a flesh-eaten zombie. Why? Well, that brings me to the next big complaint.

Dark Souls happens to be missing an important, if not central, component that all RPGs should have: context. This could include almost everything, from story, to dialogue, to continuity. Why am I a zombie instead of a human? Why am I tasked with ringing two distant bells? Who are these random people scattered around the environment? What the hell is going on and more important, why should I care? All of those questions, and many more, are either never answered, or answered cryptically with prophecy-talk nonsense. Context is what puts the "R" in Role Playing Game and in Dark Souls, you are most certainly not playing a role.

So then, what is this game? I thought long and hard on that question and I finally stumbled upon a decent, though not perfect, answer. Dark Souls is essentially a third-person, more complex version of Diablo (specifically the first game). What I mean by that is that it has almost no story, no meaningful dialogue and other than combat, leveling up and finding hidden loot, it has no real point. Once I realized this, the game became less conceptually frustrating, though no less boring. What remained infuriating was the combat and difficulty.

Depending on how you build your character, combat plays out in the usual melee/archery/magic trichotomy. I will give the game credit for one thing; the leveling system allows for a very elastic character building experience. You pick your class at the start, yes, but once you begin collecting souls (the game’s universal system for both experience and currency), you can easily give your warrior some magic or your rogue a giant shield; nothing is off limits or disadvantageous. However, outside of your character sheet, it’s entirely up to you to fight competently and, boy, does Dark Souls make that task hellish.

Most of the problem lies in the camera and targeting system. The camera is assigned to the right thumb stick (assuming you are using an Xbox controller) and since there is very little auto-tracking, you'll spend much of the game with both thumbs on the sticks. First off, coming from a mouse and keyboard background, it has never been more obvious how cumbersome and imprecise console controllers are. If nothing else, Dark Souls has made me love the fact that I'm a PC gamer all over again. Secondly, to fight effectively, you have to make use of the A, B, X and Y keys, which means forgoing camera controls while you drink potions or sprint, leaving you completely situationaly unaware. And for a game this merciless, not being able to quickly track swarms of enemies is unacceptable.

Speaking of mercilessness, let’s discuss that in detail, shall we? This game’s claim to fame is in its unforgiving, old school difficulty. At first glance, it’s true, the game is really hard and doesn’t hold your hand, especially during boss fights. But it’s one big deception for a few reasons. If you took this exact game, made mouse and keyboard functional (thus making the combat fun, rather than frustrating), and *gasp* added a manual save function, this would be just another third person action RPG, with very little unique about it except for how half-assed the setting and story are.

The reason people think this game is hard is that when a boss cheap-kills them (because the boss’s bounding box blocks the player into a corner of the level or stun-locks the player with unblockable flurry attacks), they have to run all the way back from the previous spawn point (bonfire), killing all the same enemies they just killed over again. Given that some bosses are very cheap and very far away from a bonfire, this adds up to some of the most wasteful playtime I’ve ever experienced in a game, especially since you may or may not be able to keep the souls (experience) of those in-between enemies you’ve repeatedly killed a thousand times. This game isn’t hard at all, it’s just ineptly designed. So while I may only be a third of the way in, my playtime is well past thirty hours.

Visually, the game is also pretty damn unimpressive. Everything is colored in dark, muted tones of gray, brown and black. The armor and weapons are adequately gleaming but the character models, both your own and those of the enemies, are bland and lifeless. Given that almost everything you fight is a zombie of one kind or another, maybe that's appropriate, but it sure isn't exciting to look at.

Finally, the multiplayer portion is a complete waste of time. At a bonfire, you can choose to spend a humanity point (a somewhat rare resource) to "reverse hollowing" (become human) and this opens the multiplayer portion of the game to you. The intention is that it's a double-edged sword, in that you get a higher loot drop rate and you can call on other players (and even some AI NPCs) to join your world to help you fight, while at the same time, other players can enter your world and hunt you down player-vs-player style.

Even just from that description, it's obvious that this is not true multiplayer. Instead, it's just a small taste of both co-op and pvp mulitplayer modes, given to you in a random, chaotic fashion. There's no microphone support and no keyboard chat box. You can either perform vague gestures (like cheering or pointing) or you can fight, that's it. So while the co-op, "help me kill a boss" option is pretty straightforward, the pvp is atrocious. When someone invades your world to fight you, all the doors fog over (meaning you are locked in a small area of the map) and you have to stop all forward progress and wait while some random dude loads into your game (it's not an instantaneous process). You then fight, for no reason, until one of you dies. Oh, and just to add insult to injury, the game doesn't care about level or gear, they just throw random battles together. So most times, the people who enjoy pvp gameplay (you know, immature douche bags that are super-leveled and decked out in the best gear) will sit in newbie areas and load in just to insta-kill you with one hit and then perform the laugh gesture. Yeah, good times.

When I see the sheer amount of positive reviews this game got from the console crowd, it just reinforces my elitist PC attitude. This Dark Souls: Prepare to Die Edition is not only the worst console port I've ever played (and I play most of them), it's also one of the worst designed. I mean literally, this game is one step above my character having "lives" and when I run out of those, I'm told to jam quarters into my PC to continue playing. If this is what constitutes a "good console RPG", then I'll sleep soundly at night with the knowledge that I'm not missing a damn thing by not owning a PlayStation 3. I guess I'm alone in understanding this, but supposed difficulty is not a substitute for intelligent design. Dark Souls proves that.

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So what do you guys think?, any valid points in the review?

[Zefar]

The story is your typical "Save the world". There is really nothing in the game other than your own progression that you move through the story. When I first played it through I stopped caring about the story because it was so bland and boring.

You're just an empty vessel of destruction that clears out area after area.
The few things that the story tells you are just not enough to satisfy me.

You're just told to ring two bells and then get the Lord vessel and after that kill four bosses to get their Lord souls. Then light the fire to save humanity.
The story is basically that. When you light the fire it's the end and the game restarts. It's like some kind of joke ending.

The game has a minimal story and often it's hard to care for anyone or anything in it. Lautrec kills the Firekeeper? Should I care? :/ Either way I kill him because I want my Bonfire back. Not because I care about the person. She will also beg for forgiveness. Like really? You got KILLED and I revived you. Why do you need to forgive yourself?

I kill that guy Catacombs/Tomb of Giants and he goes like "What have I done?" or "What did I do?" Gee I think it might have been due to that you made those two other guys hollow.


If the story is presented to you in a better way it could get you way involved in the game. Specially if the hero could actually speak. Now THAT would be something for the story aspect of the game. They don't need to give me options. Just make the hero question things and comment on what people do.

But the story is bad. You can't care for anyone as they just run off to get hollow if you pick the right answer that makes them leave the place.

It is just a save the world with a mute hero. We've seen that way too many times. I am not impressed with the story in the slightest and a reviewer can say the same thing. It's not about being biased or unprofessional. The story is just not up to par with better ones out there.

[MaxGiao]

Well thats just like... your opinion man.
You are kind of missing the power strugle between the two primordial serpents and all the lore regarding the ancient dragons, the 4 lords, the 4 knights of gwyn.
It really is a deep and interesting tale full of details for you to uncover, and you are not really saving the world, you are chosing between prolonging the age of fire with all the abusive gods or staring the age of darkness wich will eventually end the world but it will give freedom to the undead.
Its an unique take on story telling thats for sure.

[kak]

spoken like a true casual that encourages alt+f4

[hghwolf]

Oh god okosan is back. Wasn`t he banned ?
Let`s all enjoy his broken english and absoloute authority posts.

Now for the relevant part. I have been thinking about Dark Souls storytelling that I still hold as one of the best in recent years, but upon closer inspection I`ve found that the reviewer is actually kind of right. Dark Souls doesn`t tell you ♥♥♥♥. Almost everything must be inferred from short conversations and item descriptions, so it`s hardly a good story"teller".

But the story is still compelling enough to have kept me playing and the world is incredibly detailed and rich in lore. Dark Souls is an awesome "world" rather than an awesome "story".

[Zefar]

Messaggio originale di MaxGiao:

Well thats just like... your opinion man.
You are kind of missing the power strugle between the two primordial serpents and all the lore regarding the ancient dragons, the 4 lords, the 4 knights of gwyn.

Power struggle? When I joined Darkwraith the first Primordial serpent just says "You can't be the real one and goes to sleep again". Doesn't try to kill you but rather just wait things out.

Like they have done so before.

All the lore about dragons? You have read about that outside the game if anything. There is really only one dragon that is talked about. That is Kalameet and even he only get a brief summary.
I don't recall reading anything about the Red dragon on the bridge or if it's actually a Wyvern. The game and websites mix this up.

Why are there still dragons left when it was said in the intro that all of them where killed? You know those small blue ones in the Valley of Drakes or the Red Dragon on the bridge? Why are they still alive.
Kalameet was back in time so I won't count him.

As for the four lords. Gravelord Nito drastically got smaller for some reason compared to the CGI movie.
But you just kill him and bam, done, move on to the next target. Nothing to say or talk about it.

4 Kings? Same thing. You just kill them, get a soul and move on.

Witch of Izalith? Who is this anyway? Also just kill the monster and move onto the next boss.

Seath the Scaleless? This one I think got a bit more information. Still, kill him and move on. Nothing is even remotely told about them when you end their life.

It is just bland.

Messaggio originale di MaxGiao:

It really is a deep and interesting tale full of details for you to uncover, and you are not really saving the world, you are chosing between prolonging the age of fire with all the abusive gods or staring the age of darkness wich will eventually end the world but it will give freedom to the undead.
Its an unique take on story telling thats for sure.

Full of details? Please, it has few details in the world. There isn't anything deep in the story either. I've been in all places this game has to offer. Most of it are just empty space with some monsters in them. With the occasional treasure.

Also for the picking sides.

Picking the good side which is Fire you save the world by rescuing humanity. The other option is just for the evil ending.

Hardly a unique take on story telling. Having 2 major options to end a game with isn't unique.

You guys praise it way to much.

[hghwolf]

Messaggio originale di Zefar:

Snip for length.

Have you ever read any item descriptions ? Any at all ? There is a lot of info on the pantheon, Seath, the witch of Izalith, the areas, the history and even the NPCs contained within. You do need to infer and conjecture a fair bit though, so it`s not for everyone. Gotta give you Nito, very little about him available. 4 Kings as well have little known lore.
Kaathe and Frampt have absoloutely done this before - the whole thing is a plan by Gwyndolin to replace his father using you as a sacrifice.

Now to clear a little confusion : Except for Kalameet and the Dragon in Ash lake all of the "Everlasting Dragons" were killed by the Lords. The blue drakes are just that, and the bridge "dragon" is explicitly reffered to as the "Hellkite Drake." Gaping Dragon, the Hydras and the Serpents are refered to as "imperfect dragons", so not actually dragons.

[saethkept]

Some people--some gamers--I think are just hardwired to having a story told to them in every last intricacy. I tend to prefer the spartan approach where details of a story are available but must be sought with some effort. Dark Souls does this. Maybe its a cultural form of storytelling; a Japanese thing, I cannot say. From Software however, takes the same approach in many of their other RPGs. If you think Dark Souls has little available story, you'd really be lost in King's Field which painted an even darker, seemingly emptier world that actually encompassed a very rich backstory and lore, some of which was carried over to Demon's and Dark Souls. I do wish From would have elaborated on the connection between King's Field and Dark Souls, i.e. how the Moonlight Sword and Seath exist in both game worlds. In King's Field Seath was a dragon diety always at war with Guyra, another dragon god. Neither seemed evil or benevolent, at least not completely. Also in King's Field, specific powerful weapons were associated with both dragon gods. The Moonlight Sword, of course and Seath's sword--which does not show up in either souls' games.

[Coolclouds]

Messaggio originale di Sir Markytous:

Oh yeah hahahaha I loved reading this review.
I like the part where he says he doesn't play most of the games he reviews in their entirety. That's professional if I ever say it........ >.>

thats obvious though. you think every reviewer plays every game they review all the way through to the end. absolutely not. games are major time investments and there is just simply not enough time to play through every game they have to review. I agree with the notion that you can tell if you'll like a game by playing a few minutes of it. That's why i look for demos of every game i'm interested in buying because i know that by playing the demo i will be able to tell if i will like this game. besides he didn't put in a few minutes into dark souls...30 hours is more than enough to get the gist fo the game and if you don't like it by then nothing is going to happen later on that will change your mind.

[kak]

it might help if you don't alt+f4 every time you got invaded, casual.

[Coolclouds]

Messaggio originale di saethkept:

Some people--some gamers--I think are just hardwired to having a story told to them in every last intricacy. I tend to prefer the spartan approach where details of a story are available but must be sought with some effort. Dark Souls does this. Maybe its a cultural form of storytelling; a Japanese thing, I cannot say. From Software however, takes the same approach in many of their other RPGs. If you think Dark Souls has little available story, you'd really be lost in King's Field which painted an even darker, seemingly emptier world that actually encompassed a very rich backstory and lore, some of which was carried over to Demon's and Dark Souls. I do wish From would have elaborated on the connection between King's Field and Dark Souls, i.e. how the Moonlight Sword and Seath exist in both game worlds. In King's Field Seath was a dragon diety always at war with Guyra, another dragon god. Neither seemed evil or benevolent, at least not completely. Also in King's Field, specific powerful weapons were associated with both dragon gods. The Moonlight Sword, of course and Seath's sword--which does not show up in either souls' games.

man let me say i love dark souls...but this review got it right about the story. it's pretty much non-existant here. sure you can pick up a few nitbits here and there that kinda answer some of your questions about where am i and what the hell am i doing here? however, in the end there's no denying it the story is weak, period. there's plenty of games with strong, immersive stories that blow this poorly written story out of the water. for me the most recent great story i got into comes to mind. Deus ex human revolution. i played that game right after i got done putting over 100 hours into dark souls and you can really tell the difference in the stories. deus ex wins by a long shot, it's not even close. that doesn't stop me loving dark souls though.

[Coolclouds]

Messaggio originale di Japanese bird cooking spaghetti:

it might help if you don't alt+f4 every time you got invaded, casual.

lol, so true.

[Roronoa Ladle]

Messaggio originale di hghwolf:

Messaggio originale di Naivete:

And as a PC gamer I too cringe when he decries analog controls as archaic and cumbersome. Really? I have three analog controllers plugged into my system right now: pedals, throttle and flightstick. Four if you count the throttle's ministick.

Remember X-Wing ? It wouldn`t even install without a flightstick of some description. I remember a time when peripheral controllers were`nt frowned upon by "Hardocre" PC gamers. Hell they were the guys who used them. Those were good times...

Reminds me of the first time I played Mech Warrior with a joystick.

[Koop]

This actually aligns strongly with my initial opinions of the game, because first thing I HAD to do was rebind the controls to an adequate keyboard setup. Now I've just realized I spent the last 4 hours farming twinkling titanite in the Crystal Cave, so that I have epic gear when I start NG+. The game corrupts you after a while..

[hghwolf]

Messaggio originale di saethkept:

Also in King's Field, specific powerful weapons were associated with both dragon gods. The Moonlight Sword, of course and Seath's sword--which does not show up in either souls' games.

The Mooonlight sword is sort of From Softwares calling card. It has been in every game they made and has always been one of the best swords you can get. It`s been in every AC game, apparently all KF games and I would be very surprised if there was`nt one in the next Souls game (If there is a next Souls game)

[saethkept]

Yes, the Moonlight Sword is arguably the most powerful weapon in most games where it's appeared. However I would take either the Darkslayer or Triplefang over the Moonlight, depending on which game you're playing. I'd like to see Triplefang in the next Souls game.