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Most of the game I've spent in Hard Leather set +5 and switched to Black Iron set +5 closer to endgame after having enough Endurance to avoid fatrolling (with Havel's ring). It does require quite a bit of END if you really want that, but you can live with fatrolling if you have high poise and good def.
Do keep in mind that I was concentrating on PVE, this is likely a terrible setup for PVP.
weapon upgrade > armour upgrade
Leveling up itself boosts your physical / elemental defenses. There's a separate stat that boosts resistances, called Resistance appropriately, but *nobody invests in that unless they're playing an overleveled character and are not interested in PVP*.
In place of vigor, vitality, and endurance of 3 you now have vitality, resistance, and endurance. Endurance is equip load AND stamina, vitality is HP.
How much you invest in endurance and vitality depends solely on your playstyle and whether you prefer fast rolling, medium rolling, or being a tanky tank and fat roll. All of these playstyles are actually viable for PVE and to a lesser extent PVP (by the time you start seriously PVPing there's little reason to still be fat rolling. However, Greatshields and/or high poise are actually a lot of help against many enemies and bosses, since poise works completely differently than in the sequels). You only have two ring slots, but the rings themselves help with equip load more than they do in DS3.
In general, consider 20 in both vitality and endurance to be the barest minimum and upgrade from there depending on your playstyle, choice of weapons, and choice of armor. A lot of builds has these stats MUCH higher. 30 and 50 are considered 'soft caps'.
Level 120-125 is considered the 'meta' range for PVPing so if you plan on doing that remember to have a character that is summonable/can invade in that range. SL 60-100 is probably when you'll be finishing your first NG experience depending on how many souls you lose, how much you grind, how much you coop as a summoned phantom/PVP and win, and so on.