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Argonnessen
Cannith
Ghallanda
Khyber
Orien
Sarlona
Thelanis
Wayfinder
All server populations are roughly equal (they rotate the 'Default Server' for new players to maintain the populations that way), except for Wayfinder. Wayfinder is the German-language server and as such never takes a turn in the default server rotation and has a low population.
However, there is no way to tell you which server is the most active at the hours you will typically play, nor whether one or another has a larger proportion of soloers or 'static group' players. Only way to find that out is to play a while on each. Frankly, I think you'll be best served to find a guild and pick your server based on which guild best suits you.
DDO is almost exclusively a PVE game (co-operative by design, though many people solo). The 'almost' is because those who wish to try PVP can do so in small 'fight cages' in some taverns.
As for RP, again, your best bet is to find a RP guild.
I looked up some on the various servers to give an example:
https://www.ddo.com/forums/showthread.php/261110-Tyrs-Paladium-is-hiring!-quot-The-30-50-Year-Olds-Guild-quot
https://www.ddo.com/forums/showthread.php/441931-Lava-Divers-Recruiting-(sort-of-))
https://www.ddo.com/forums/showthread.php/216033-Our-guild-chugs-a-6-Pack-of-Awesomesauce!
https://www.ddo.com/forums/showthread.php/474965-Orien-Guild-quot-Arcane-Alliance-quot-w-All-Buffs-Amenities-and-Kraken-Ship-Now-Recruiting
https://www.ddo.com/forums/showthread.php/347127-Green-Mtn-Boyz-Recruiting
https://www.ddo.com/forums/showthread.php/222092-The-Silver-Legion-Still-Recruiting-)
https://www.ddo.com/forums/showthread.php/215642-The-Thieves-Guild
To join I guess I would look at the /who list in-game on the specific server they're based, then find anyone from the guild and send them a /tell asking if they're recruiting new players.
Bonus points if they're actually active.
You could also use the same method for finding a few people to play with instead of a whole guild, then settle on a server once you know a few.
Been dead for years.