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Where should it be hidden anyway?
And where would the option be, if there is one?
The only way to rectify this is to form a faction, hope for allies and then present the emperor with an ultimatum. Everybody loves the emperor usually, so it will be hard to gain support. Sow dissent with your chancellor. Probably won't bear fruit, but it's worth a shot. The HRE is like a venus fly-trap, if you don't move quickly enough you're going to get caught under the yoke of hardcore feudalism. Be an opportunist, pick on the pagans who are at war in the meantime. Pick up allies where you can. If Crown Authority is actually the issue, you'll know in that it's the HRE's doomsday clock on future playthroughs.
after a war, any war, and no matter what the result of the war, both sides get a peace treaty with each other that lasts a year or so..... you may need to wait until the peace treaty is up..... try hovering the mouse over one of the icons on the other nation, like how you see if that nation is at war it shows shield and who at war with, it should show a icon/shield and say "has a peace treaty with you until **** date" ....just have to wait
If you are both HRE vassals then the only real thing I can think of would be that the Emperor's crown authority is too high.
How then you might ask did duke so and so declare war on you?
There's two explanations that I can think of. First the crown laws changed between this guy declaring war on you and you wanting to declare war on him.
Second if the land he took from you was part of his de jure Duchy then he could have used a plot to revoke the title from you. If you got a dialogue box saying so and so wants the title you have and you refused then they can declare war on you for being a rebellious subject and this falls outside the normal rules of the HRE. As you are not his de jure lord you would not have the same plots available to you.
So what do you do about this?
Well you could as someone said form a faction to lower crown authority in the HRE so that you could then declare your war. You could also try for independence or heck go crazy and try to install yourself as emperor. Factions can be useful if the Emperor is unpopular.
If that's not your style, you can simply manuever your way into the land you want. See who's in line for succession there and then marry/assassinate your character into the titles. Obviously male characters have it easier with marriage. Marry yourself or your eldest son to the Duke's eldest daughter and then murder as many people as you need to in order to assure that the eldest daughter or her eldest son become in charge of the Duchy. Not only do you get your land back you get all the other land in the Duchy.