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You can stop it with laws, but generally its not easy. So sometimes it can be a benefit. Probably best to let them get on with it and only step in when it directly effects you.
They are basically you before you came king, trying to get more powerful by taking what they can,
I think it would happen in the actual world, but I think you would have more power to say, stop your son from being imprisoned or something.
Change your laws to disallow vassals from Internal War. Usually I turn off External War off as well only because it can become annoying and I like my Empire to be "Neat and Tidy".
I usually try to make "Arch"-Dukes when I am a King or Emperor. Give a single Duke 2 or even 3 Dukedoms as long as Gravelkind is off. Then I only need to keep a single powerful duke happy instead of having 3 Dukes.
In the early game it can be difficult but mid-late game once you start unlocking stronger crown laws and as long as you have a powerful personal claim and army you shouldn't have anything to fear from making powerful vassals with lots of land over several smaller vassals.
Late Game once I have Imperial Unlocked I like to give my vassals Vicroyalty Kingdoms or multiple Vicoralty Dukedoms. Old King/Duke dies, make their heir the next one ( Big Opinion Boost for awhile ).
Lastly, you dont HAVE to go HUGE SPRAWLING EMPIRE.
You can play as a small empire with powerful holdings and be just as capable if not more then a large empire.
Have no such choices under laws. Is a certain dlc needed for that?
You dont need conclave as its a realm law, but its quite hard and hassly to activate.
get a court-tutor
So this could be good if your vassals are taking stuff you eventually need. Not so good when they take stuff in the middle of an enemy religions turf and pull you into money draining wars.
Nothing like finally dying and having your heir inherit only to realise they have no kids and no testicles left.
*Though that's possible too if they have some traits and/or a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ opinion of you.