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Either way, you'll have to get creative
Typically you get that alert when you have a lot of kids and you have gavelkind law, so you'll have to find ways to disqualify those children from inheriting: make them a bishop, have them join a holy order, die.
Now there are obvious reasons to keep growing your sphere of control and consolidating titles, and in the interest of game play you want to "hand down" all that hard work to your inheritor. There are many mechanisms to do this, but the genious of this game is just how well it captures the spirit of the period: heirs at odds with each other is just one of those facinating facits. Primogeniture (eldest inherits everything) seems like a no brainer, but it takes a while to get there (often several generations at least) and as you can imagine, everyone other than the eldest wont be happy. :)
For instance, if your guy is a duke with say 3 counties and one duchy, your main heir will get the duchy title (as it's the highest held title you have) and the "core" county (where your capital is located basically), while the other 2 counties can be inherited by his brothers (if he has any)... Upon inheritence your main heir will "lose" those two counties as in he will not hold them personally, but they will stay under your control as your vassals.
Oh and: This doesn't apply for elective gavelkind IF the "lost" lands gives the inheriting brother(s) a large enough area of a de jure title of the same lvl as your own, then he (they) can chose to create their own duchy/kingdom title and become independent. You will still have a strong claim to these lands though, so if war is an option they're easy enough to take back.
Ah, thanks for the correction, it's been a while since it happened to me so remembered it incorrectly it seems :)