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All of your steps are wrong.
If you dont want to play it in SP you have to find people ofr COOP or some sort of community. Joining random servers will always end in frustration and using official servers in EA is also not a good idea since you have no power in regards to wipes etc.
Find some people - let one make the host and play together or find some people ans ahre a private dedicated server either paid or self-hosted.
And in general look for people that have a similar playstyle to you.
And all of this what inflicts directly on servers are really bad?
There is this HUUUUUUUUUUGE message that pops up telling you servers are still an experimental feature and even advises you to play private or singleplayer.