I want Whack Ax to Whack my Ax, and I need help.

[DxrkScxles]

Hello all! For as long as I remember playing the MDickie games (starting around between Extra Lives or Super City), I've always had this weird crush on Whack Ax. I don't know why, but his flowing luxious hair.. that handsome face.. the attire.. makes me grow a raging boner. Anytime he's my opponent, I can't help but be distracted by this beautiful man. I've lost too many matches with him, with the only matches I've won against him be by disqualification or count out. This isn't a healthy habit, and I know this. My family have shunned me from my own home. I'm locked in my room, hibernating like a bear in the winter, with ♥♥♥ stains all over my walls because of Whack Ax. I've made... so many videos of that man... and just his beautiful looks. If anyone can help me get over this unhealthy crush, I'd be forever in your debt. I'll be posting updates soon. Once again, any help is appreciated. If you leave a joke comment, consider yourself BLOCKED. This is a serious discussion, and I can't stop Whacking my Ax to Whack Ax. Thank you.

[666666666]

You know they say that all crushes on men are created equal, but you look at Whack Ax and you look at Whack Oz and you can see that statement is not true. See, normally if you go one on one on a romantic date with another wrestler, you got a 50/50 chance of a fulfilling long lasting relationship. But I KEEP IT HARDCORE and I'm not normal! So you got a 25%, AT BEST, at Whacking Ax. Then you add Kirk Angel to the mix, your chances of not crashing through a table on accident drastic go down. See the 3 way at Tombstones & Thumbtacks, you got a 33 1/3 chance of winning, but Oz, Oz has got a 66 and 2/3 chance of winning, because Kirk Angel KNOWS he can't Whack Ax or Oz, and he's not even gonna try!
So Whack Ax, you take your 33 1/3 chance, minus my 25% chance and you got an 8 1/3 chance of winning the court case. But then you take my 75% chance of winning, if we was to go timed intervals, and then add 66 2/3 per cents, I got 141 2/3 chance of a successful date at Tombstones & Thumbtacks. See Ax, the numbers don't lie, and they spell love for you at Sacrifice.