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As for getting a multiplayer game to actually show up on the list, it can be super frustrating. My best method is to wait until the person has fully loaded into their farm, and only then open the multiplayer section, and most of the time that works. I'm guessing the problem is how often the game refreshes it's search for games (not very often), and the fact that there seems to be absolutely no way to force it to refresh. Also make sure you search for the name of the farm, because it will only display so many farms.
Sadly I can't speak to older FS games because this is my first.
Ends up the esports was the issue. Once I removed it I could see my other friends server once again. And my first friend had to disable the esports from his game - even though he was hosting FS22 on his side. Esports blocked me from seeing his server until it was removed.
As to multiplayer being "boring". It indeed could get to be that way. My friends usually start a game, & I am the one who does terraforming, building placement, etc... While they run around doing things they like to do. One friend liked to play the role of truck driver, where he would haul things around the map. He also had heavy towing vehicle mods, which he used whenever equipment got stuck.