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invasions have always been a secondary thing, something you do casually, but only ever retains a very small amount of people who are after that specific thing long term.
been the same for half a dozen games now.
if they really wanted to make pvp better for everyone involved, and solve 90% of the issue for dedicated pvpers, they'd just make it an opt in system specifically unique to itself, rather then tied to anything.
i always find the whole "the invasion system is a consequence" thing quite dull, as that was never the goal, its not a punishment, its a game mechanic, it is by its nature a neutral thing, that each individual will decide if they like or not.
im personally a big fan of it, but im not gonna pretend it has widespread appeal.
the consequence of multiplayer is the scaling they provide to enemies, it is static, consistent, and universal, as opposed to invasions, which more often then not, to people actually getting help, very rare occurance.
the games challenge is from the pve afterall, the pvp is tacked on, always has been.
in the end, seperating the systems into their own thing would be benifical for everyone involved far as i can see, people who want to engage in pvp can engage in it, when they're done they leave, and for dedicated pvpers they don't have to concern themselves with people taking the dive or boss-zoning nearly as much.
Besides that, mb you just have some special timing/region issue, but last I time checked in arena, for example, ppl tried to throw all kinds of goofy stuff at me. A couple were a tad sweaty but even them did not really bring out all the BS a player can.
In invasions there are few commonly repeating elements like you mentioned however those setups are not nearly optimized (likely because those who can and know how to do it optimally just find it way too boring).
The main advantage of ER invasions is that you can't really make a reasonably fun organised gank like before. Reason being you either do 2v2 or you will only have 1 invader that completely dictates the flow of the battle (unless you do it in one of few small enclosed areas from which invaders can just opt out of). It means that one invader can easily make a gank not fun at all on their own.
What is missing is the covenants though, there they did drop a ball big time. But it's not clearly not coming for ER, so mb in the next title...
Given the rest of your post, I know which of those things I find more likely.
Souls games have always had fight clubs, and some--like 2 and ER--have arenas specifically for the purpose of voluntary PvP. Additionally, summoning someone from a red soapstone sign is generally seen as a precursor to a duel.
Under those situations, the unspoken--unwritten--community code of "honor" (no chugging, etc.) can generally be expected to apply.
Outside of those situations, you're a hostile invader, and will be treated as such. I'm entirely willing to shoot a home invader in the back if I can get the jump on them in my own home, and I won't lose any sleep over it if I ever have to do so. Why, then, would I feel any compunction whatsoever to treat an invader in a video game--a situation with *infinitely* lower stakes than actual home invasion--with any arbitrary sense of "honor" because they decided "I want to PvP; time to force someone else to play with me"?
Nah. I will use all means at my disposal to stomp your skull into the mud, and I'm not going to be bothered one whit if you complain about it afterward. You sought the PvP, not me; seems you should've been prepared for the job, rather than prepared to cry about it.
2.) "B'awww! People won't play according to my own arbitrary rules about what is and is not fun *for me as an individual*, therefore they all suck."
Lemme guess: it's always everyone else's fault when things don't go your way offline as well, right?
1.) You specifically complained about a lack of "honor" in your OP. The (unwritten) community guidelines that require "honor" are applicable only to duels. Inference.
2.) There's a reason I said "for infinitely lower stakes" in drawing the analogy. The situations are entirely different in terms of risk/danger, but the general psychology of "you started this fight; you don't get to cry about how I finish it" is exactly the same.