Explain that lore / story beat "badly"

[mpcgannon]

I read this

Origineel geplaatst door Brakxel:

I just killed the Fire Giant and was checking out his fancy punch bowl on the side of the mountain. This chick by the camp fire asked if I want to do some sinning. Sounded like fun, so I said yes.
I must have totally misunderstood because now the Erdtree is on fire and the guys at the Round Table Hold are bugging out because it wasn't built to fire codes.
...

From here - https://steamcommunity.com/app/1245620/discussions/0/3458220484832736537/

And found that hysterical! Drop your lore and story beats explained badly here.

[Sirius]

Origineel geplaatst door John Titor:

Origineel geplaatst door Tikus Tycoon:

Some bootleg onionbro talked dirty to me, like poop and creepy stuff

Care for some dung jerky? Perhaps a nice refreshing pina dunglada?

Hey, now.
Have you been watching Joe Rogan again?

[Frost]

I heard howling coming from a glowing purple disc in the ground, i go to investigate and i hear a voice asking to be set free. I oblige the disembodied voice and free it only to find out the voice was in fact a furry, he tells me someone called "Itchy" trapped him there. Wild times i tell you.

[causality]

Psychotic demigod who doesn't want a parasitic eldritch horror from space feasting on her soul causes the first holocaust and murders her brother.

[Sirius]

Gimpy Goblin with self esteem issues alters your clothes. For some reason. He literally dies if you don't tell him how purdy he is.

Weird, four-armed, overused ♥♥♥♥ doll gives you a magic bell that calls forth a ghostly horsegoatdonkeything to ride around on and she wants to delete existence. Or something.

Best summary in my mind:

So many naked feet that it's weird they got George Martin and not Quentin Tarantino.

[Brakxel]

So I’m riding my horse through this “Lake”. I say lake in quotes because it is only 1 inch deep. That explains why the local merchant doesn’t sell fishing licenses.
But WHY am I here? I need to get to the magic school, but I hear this dragon stole the only key. He is on the back side of this endless puddle. As I head there, the phone starts ringing. As I’m looking for the phone booth, glowing skulls chase me to a multi-handed, poison spewing, spanking machine who slaps me back to my last sight of grace.
I take the long way around, out running mutant crabs who want to give me the hug of death. I stop and talk to this woman who wants to take me to a club called Volcano Manor. Sounds like fun, but first I need to get into the Magic School. We will hook up later.
There is my prize by some rocks and a dragon. I sneak up to get my key and get away before the dragon smells all the prawns I just bought. I check the key. It reads, “Do Not Duplicate”. Figures.
So I get to the Magic School. But it isn’t just a Magic School. It is a Magic Sniper School and part of initiation is dropping huge steel balls on your head while they fling blue crystals.
I finally make it to the sorority hall for Kappa Delta Gimpa where the girls are in the middle of an ecstasy bender. They try to tie my shoe laces together and throw books at me, but a couple of slaps set them right. Their Queen Bee gets pissed and shines her blue flash light in my eyes, so now I’ve got to smack her around, too. Like most women, she can’t take a punch and gives up.
Turns out she’s pretty cool. We’re besties now, and she wants to give me a makeover.

[RhodosGuard]

So there's this massive dude. Real Chonky Chad of a man using Gravity Magic to ride this "horse" that seems like it should be unable to even support it's own weight.
And sometimes he goes "Yo, y'all wanna kill me? Ok. Come here and try, I kinda wanna die."
So you take this Dog-Man and the living Jam-Jar your Grandma gave you, that you forgot you had, so it grew arms and legs, and bonk this dude hard.
Halfway through killing the dude he literally returns to his planet, then comes back as a meteor. "SIck move" you exclaim before bonking him a bit more (probably involving a lot of jumping and holding out your weapon as if that's gonna build any kind of real damage)

So he does finally croak, but when he dies, you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ realize that he's like the Atlas of Greek Myth, holding up the sky, so Stars just drop. BOOM.

You probably killed a few people, animals and everything between by doing that.
Anyway. Your Jam-Jar is now stuffing itself with flesh from the corpses on the battlefield and the doggy tells you that now that the big star has crashed right into the nearby forest, you should be able to find this god-killing dagger for your e-girl, so she can go and kill those weird two-fingered hands everywhere that kinda dictate the laws by having some old ladies pretend they can read their will from looking at them.

[mpcgannon]

I love all of these

[Brakxel]

Origineel geplaatst door RhodosGuard:

"horse" that seems like it should be unable to even support it's own weight.

Oh, that poor horse, just begging for the sweet release of death. The whole fight was ridiculous without hyperbole.
Zone in and get a headshot with a rocket-propelled telephone pole and when you get near he throws his whole quiver at you. Then he slams around like he not only wants to kill you, but also kill your ancestors back three generations.
Somehow I had five (5) summons and I used them all. Jar-Jar. Good Boy Blaidd. Some woman I saved somewhere. Patches, I think. And that one guy in the goat armor with the hammer. I don’t know who or what he is but he shows up a lot—very friendly and ready to fight. Must be Scottish.
I just ran from summons to summons as everyone died and threw the laser eyes at him when I could. The “Benny Hill” Theme would’ve been the perfect music for that fight. Comedy gold.
Only to kill him and learn you just tore the Lands Between a new arse-hole and uncovered a forgotten buried city. Lucky, that, I guess. I hope there were no picnics in that general area at the time.

[Sirius]

Creepy wizard creates obvious sex dolls by cloning people without their soul, then tries to sell you some and asks you to make one for him when you find out.

Worn out crockery man stuffed with dead people thinks he is Solaire or something.

Serious furry cosplayer seeks something and helps you fight a couple of times, then goes insane and leaves you his armor - this armor would scare the everloving crap out of actual furries if you suddenly stood behind them at a convention and it looks kind of badass, not gonna lie, as far as furry costumes go.

There's a guy who thinks this is an Akira Kurosawa movie and he talks like he smoked three packs a day for like 20 years or so and also drank a lot of whiskey. The plot also feels like old timey Japanese samurai movies, and ends like one pretty much as well.

Gopnik tries his shtick again and turns out to be useful if you let him live after he fails.
Or you are like me who's had it with that one since DS1 and straight murder the asshat.

[Brakxel]

Got an invitation to a hot club called Volcano Manor. Not really my scene, but I go check it out.
Lady of the Manor asks if I want to join the club. The place looks nice. Clean carpets. Nice dinnerware even though nobody is eating. Other than the bouncer giving me the mean mug the whole time, I like the setup here.
“What are the dues?” I ask.
“Just kill a few people.” she says.
I say sign me up. I killed several hundred just to get here. I could kill three more before breakfast.
Great, so I get a key and she turns me loose to find my locker and meet the gang.
Turns out Patches is a member. F*cking Patches. I already owe him several boots to the head for that trick treasure chest and him throwing me off a cliff for following some rainbow stones. Patches the Pr*ck just smiles like we’re best mates and I play along knowing someday I’ll use his skull as a bowling ball.
My Ash of War dealer is a member. I thank him for disappearing at night and leaving that Bell Bearing Hunter to watch the shop. Real nice surprise. Could have warned me the night manager disobeys all the laws of physics and has NO sense of humor. Thanks for the heads up.
The Lady of Manor’s daughter is here, too. Cute but has weird eyes. Blinks sideways like a lizard, but she seems to like me. Add her to my contact list.
I poke around a bit and explore the rest of the campus. Turns out Volcano Manor was built on a freaking active volcano. Who’s idea was this? I don’t know how zoning laws work around here, but I imagine building houses on a volcano has to hurt property values. Nobody was living there except some yoga lizards and burned out (heh) Motley Crue roadies.
I head out to work on paying my dues. The guys I had to kill were scattered all over the place. Put a dent in my bus pass, but it got done.
Lady OTM was pleased. So pleased, in fact, she wants me to meet the Lord of the Manor. I act impressed but any club that would have Patches as a member isn’t too high on my social score card. I don’t want to be rude, so I say sure, why not.
Turns out the Lord isn’t a lord at all. Not even a dude, but a snake. A big, friggin snake and for some reason he’s pissed at me. From the looks of his office he’s been pissed at a bunch of people because their corpses are scattered. Luckily one corpse left a present for me: a big-snake-killer-spear present with my name on it.
He made a speech, but I didn’t listen. I just cloned myself and my twin and I wailed on him while he spouted nonsense. He was one of those guys who like to die twice, so I obliged. Good job, me.
I want to thank Mr. Dead Guy for letting me use his snake killer spear, but now I have a new sword from the Lord of the Manor. This sword must love me because it heals me up while killing, and throws fire just for fun. It is my new best friend. Needs a good cleaning after being up a snake's ass for a few hundred years, but it works.
Something is up with this Lady of the Manor. I tell her I killed her Lord and she says she is cool with it, but I ain’t buying it. Either she’s mad at me for killing her man, or she just realized she wasted her life with a dude who builds a resort on top of a volcano and there ain’t enough time-share suckers in the Lands to pay it off. Now she is stuck with the mortgage.
I’ll check on her later. Kinda feel responsible for breaking up the band. You know, killing the leader and all tends to make relationships go sour.

[Tregarde]

Three words:

Dysfunctional family drama.