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Maybe your friends does not have the same "mod" installed in their computer. Have you tried several modes ? . In fact, the game can detect if you are using VPN, because your friends are not in the same IP range as your computer, so event if you mount a Virtual LAN using a VPN, you're not in the same network as your friends.
Check this out :
https://www.ea.com/games/command-and-conquer/command-and-conquer-remastered/modding-faq
They specifically implemented LAN mode to give people a way around this restriction.
That's nonsense. The devs specifically added LAN mode to allow people to play mods over VPN this way, so whether the game can "detect it" is completely irrelevant.
And VPN literally means "Virtual Private Network"; it makes the connected computers act 100% like they are on the same LAN. That's its very purpose.