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As for graphics settings, you can change whichever you feel is more important first, textures, anti-aliasing, shadows, grass, water, or whatever else. It's up to you for what you want to enable, though you most likely won't get all of them, you could try to balance them out as best you can.
You obviously didn't try hard enough.
Follow this video if you need to lower settings lower than the game will allow you.
As if it's stable without it.
Just play with the options and find what fits for you.
To be fair, VRAM doesn't really matter unless you're exceeding it, even then you most likely won't encounter an instance where it's all being used unless it's massively exceeding your limits.