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Shy is really crippling too.
Gluttonous is slightly bad but not crippling. Although Gluttonous doesn't directly give you a health penalty, it contributes to getting the Obese condition which does provide a penalty. Also, Gluttonous can influence the character portrait and for those who are superficial, it's usually not for the better.
Chaste is generally bad for the fertility penalty. At least there are some benefits and it is a little more balanced than in CK2. Also, Chaste might be okay on a wife to decrease the chance of affairs, but that can still happen due to events. For Christian faiths, Chaste has the benefit of being a virtue but it's not great for non-Christian faiths unless you don't want a lot of kids (possibly due to partition inheritance concerns).
You would think that Lustful would be good for the fertility bonus (like it was in CK2). But there are a lot of subtle negatives. First of all, Adulturer and Fornicator result in a level loss of devotion if revealed as well as a permanent opinion penalty. It's worse for women (in most faiths) where it is a crime (even though it is just shunned for men). Female adulturers and fornicators are at risk of being imprisoned or their titles revoked. Last of all, AI adulturers have a high chance of dying. They tend to make lots of rivals (or get challenged to duels) and are often the target of murder plots.
The "nicer" traits like Forgiving, Honest, Trusting, Just, and especially Compassionate get stress gain from a lot of "everyday ruler activities."
Generally the best traits for AI's (especially dynasty members) are: Temperate, Calm, Patient, Gregarious
Best traits for vassals include: Content, Craven, Just, and other kind traits.
Diligent is really important for the player character because of Develop Capital.
The other factor to keep in mind is what is considered virtues/sins varies depending on Faith and can be modified by Tenets.
I actually don't mind compassionate or generous that much. I'll skip being a tyrant for a generation (and make sure my heir does not get it) and it can be a nice change of pace. Depending on your religion you can generally have a pretty stable realm with these two traits.
You're right that Reckless is not that great as a commander trait.
However the BEST part of Reckless is that it gives you access to Make Haste for +20 travel speed (it generates -10 travel safety but that's okay).
There is a travel event that has a chance of giving you the Rough Terrain Expert or the Reckless trait. It's usually worth it to eventually get both, Reckless mainly for Make Haste.
Greedy: in the later stages of the game it makes keeping realm together so much harder, when you have a lot of money but can't solve problems with it. You can't gift gold, artifacts etc. to keep vassals out of dangerous factions, you can't bribe enough agents to remove unwanted inheritance/guaranteed councilor, you can't invite great knights, also there are a lot of hold court events where spending gold gives the best outcome - all of this can stress you to the limits
Obviously, the worst traits are things like Cancer. I recall watching a Youtube stream of people creating CK3 characters, right after Royal Court came out, and they noted that cancer (which WILL kill you, eventually) only gives you ten extra points in character creation (the same as being a drunkard, which at least reduces stress as well), so it's not even a good source of extra points for character creation.
Generous hurts a lot in early stages but if your economy is already strong you have the easiest and cheapest stress reduction in the whole game available at any time by just handing your family members some money. Greedy/Ambitious is the opposite and can seriously raise the price of imperial expansion as each title given adds up.
So I really agree with this:
The only two I personally don't like to play with are Trusting and Brave because they make you die. Everything else you can kinda deal with one step at a time, but these push you toward early, unexpected deaths that feel much more random.
For non-personality traits, all the coping mechanisms that directly reduce income or health are generally not worth it, and Rakish is the worst trait in the whole entire game hands down. Both Reclusive and Irritable might as well be green in my eyes though.
I also think sinful infamy traits should carry harsher penalties. If something is known about you that can legally get you executed, it should have a disastrous opinion effect. Really makes no sense that the reputation penalty for being a confirmed cannibal is anywhere in the same plane as you being impatient while I'm not.
Right I understand, I'm just saying "that guy ate the bishop yesterday" should generally be much more frowned upon by my shy friends than me being an extrovert, as one example.
It's ridiculous how the trait is color-coded as POSITIVE in game lol
I like it in the mid to late game. Like GarbageCollector said, great for effortlessly burning stress once you're pretty rich.