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I do not have any mods or any custom ini changes.
1. Checked my file integrity
2. Uninstalled and reinstalled the game
3. Updated my GPU drivers
4. Updated and applied any outstanding windows updates
5. Opened the Fallout76Prefs.ini file and set bFullScreen= 1
6. Ensured that my DirectX was up to date
7. Disabled Riot Vanguard (Because alas I play League)
8. Reset my Bethesda.net password and made sure that I had the exact spelling and casing of my user name
9. waited a solid 2 minutes after the game actually booted to try to log-in
In all honestly I was on the verge of just refunding it. The fact that an issue like this exists with so many possible causes is just insane. While I was digging around online I consistently saw people saying that having alternative Task Managers like Processor Explorer open also causes this issue, its kinda absurdist TBH. Anyhow I hope that this may help anyone else in my shoes later on.