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Only one of you needs to have an open world map. This person is the host. The map is not shared, so the only time the player who is not the host can play on the map is if the host is present. A dedicated server or some file sharing shenanigans are needed if you want to share the map so either can play alone.
The host starts the map and chooses something other than a private game - the Steam Friends only should be fine and it defaults there anyway. This setting is there because the host PC creates a server that even the host player joins. This happens even when playing solo. Once in the game the other player should be able to join it.
The player who wants to join starts the game, selects their character, and on the menu with RESUME, NEW, LOAD there is the option to JOIN. Choose join and find the host on the peer-to-peer list of servers. The list should be blank except the people on your friends list if that was the option the host chose.
You should be all set from there. I'm not sure where or how the Steam joining functions play a roll. Maybe if the host isn't showing up you can bring up the steam overlay and try the join option from there?
Anyway, someone with more insight feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.