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But here's what helped me to enjoy both H1 and H2 way more than I would have expected: watching better players play Hades games on YouTube. I have decent enough reflexes and awareness to muscle my way through Hades stuff, but it takes me much, MUCH longer to figure out the various systems/boons one can access and how to find the synergies.
I watch others play and sometimes I copy a build, just to see how if it clicks with me. I try boons I'd typically avoid because I didn't /get/ how they would be useful until I saw an example of someone else doing it. Heck, just seeing how much the Strength card can impact things almost entirely changed how I play this game. And I'm having more fun for it.
I don't know if it'll help you - I consider myself a mediocre Hades player at best - but it sure did help me.
Hades 1 could more easily be played in a "surprise me" way: just pick whatever boon out of the three seems more interesting at the time, and on zero to low Fear players would generally be okay.
I don't think it's accurate to say this one is catering to the "git gud" crowd. I think it's trying to push all players towards paying attention to their build via negative reinforcement. The bosses are set up to be tests of your build, much more than they are tests of skill. If a build is balanced around some concentration of damage against groups and some concentration towards single targets, and if interplay between different boons is prioritised, you can sail through. If you don't, your DPS is likely to be so low that you would be killed by the timer on Vow of Time during one or other end-stage boss fight.
So, unlocking the Codex is really important, and you need to be consulting the list across a few gods every time you choose a boon to make sure you're following the right path. There are some boons that don't benefit hugely from high rarity when all you want is the effect and the Common form will be fine. There are others which look like a poor deal in the numbers on the offer, but actually go wild in combination.
Surface is certainly harder because it's structured so that the Underworld is "stage 1" and Surface is "stage 2", and likely there's a "stage 3" that's going to sting a bit more (but, assuming it comes directly after Surface, a build that can beat stage 2's final boss should be able to cope with whatever comes next).
When I did the third set of Night's Champion challenges, after completing literally everything else available in the game except for the Trial of Haste, I cleared the underworld on my first attempt with a build I wasn't entirely happy with -- and a clutch appearance by Athena in Tartarus to refresh my Death Defiances. When I got to the Surface? She no-showed me on several successive, hard won passes through Olympus -- and I eventually got so irritated that I decided I was going to annoy Skelly by doing the most overtly mediocre job of the challenge that I could. So I loaded up God Mode, deliberately maxed out the damage reduction by disabling all of my arcana and dying in the first room a couple dozen times or so, and just brute forced the bloody thing with a Sworn Strike/Born Gain/Flames of Melinoe build designed to turn the enemy's swarm technique against them. As further punishment for putting me up to such an annoying challenge, I have decided not to beat Skelly up, ever again.
The thing that literally kills me about the surface, more than anything else, is the lingering environmental damage everywhere. Freaking everything wants nothing more than to throw burning oil on the ground or summon up bloody tornados that fill the screen so it's like I'm fighting in Asphodel if the rivers moved constantly -- and while I'm thinking about Asphodel I am going to complain briefly that it is RIDICULOUS how much faster all of this stuff damages me than the flaming Phlegethon itself does. Zagreus could literally dash into the lava, stand for a tick, and dash back out without taking more than maybe a few points of damage, but if Melinoe dashes over the corner of a patch of burning oil and accidentally leaves the corner of her hitbox adjacent to it when her dash ends, that's like 50 damage.
Okay, the Auto-Watchers have also been directly responsible for several of my failed runs through Olympus. Complements to Hephaestus for his work, but I get instantly angry at the sight of the robotic bastards. If I had a more responsive dash, it would probably be fine, but as it is I'll either dodge their entire barrage or instantly take like a couple hundred points of damage. Which means they're literally functioning as designed, but they are Not Fun.
Frustration should not lead to random conspiracy theories about why you are not progressing as quickly as you like. That is usually ego.
That said this is early access of course. Everything has at one time or another felt way overtuned for a variety of reasons, but balancing is a part of development.
It took me over 300 hours to hit 32 fear on both routes. Just keep trying your best and don't get in your own head too much.
The second thing is that I want to encourage you to join the dev's discord to leave feedback because I really don't think they care about these forums, or at least that appears to be a common impression.