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2. No
3. You can flirt with everyone but at one point you need to make a choice
4. No
5. Do as you like
6. If you never played that type of games and particulary DnD 5e - this will take several hours just to absorb new terms/rules/mechanics.
7. You can recolor them - pretty much 0 customization. Beside that you can swith helm visibility and switch to camp clothes.
In general it is very newbie friendly, under the assumption you mean someone who is not vell versed in games in general nor Dungeons & Dragons. The mechanics are easy to learn, the lore is easy to digest. It just takes time unlike arcade games which can be enjoyed from the get go.
1. There is not such a thing. Or rather rephrased: there are no game mechanic-ly benefits in one race to another which are not lore/common sense connected. So a halfling e.g. is naturally slower on their feet than a human which makes a difference in combat.
But that is still not to be seen as "important to game mechanics" as it is more about importance to immersion.
Each race comes with their up and downsides in that regards along the story. Wheras you will benefit from being one race at point A, you might have a big disadvantage at point B. But that also adds to the adventure experience.
2. You can go in totally blind, the typical "hero has amnesia troupe" works. I recommend to newbies the Dark Urge origin with customised appearance aka you do not need / nor should use the default appearance
3. The romance options are rudimentary, a harem is not possible.
4. The story is pretty much contained and you can find all information to piece things together in the game. The references to older games, novels, comics etc. are feeling mostly like fanservice.
5. You can do and go as you like. in doubt you can deny any premade companions and use soulless husks at some point to assist you in their place.
6. use these
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3107682627
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3025093305
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3140103916
Start with the first guide and check the 2-4 first sections about damage rolls and armour class. Use that as baseline to tell whether that is easy to understand or not
7. Default: none as it defies common sense to have e.g. bikini with stats of a full plate mail. Modswise: as much as you want.
In doubt I recommend to give the game a try within Steam's two hours refund Window. If you need more you can have up to 60 days with GOG.com.
You could even close Steam and launch the game from the executable for a "silent prolongation". Do not abuse that or you lose your standing with Steam.
Within the first two hours, unless you are wasting time here and there you get introduced in some sort of tutorial combat which gives you a rudimentary impression.
LAter on with higher level, magics and skills it becomes more flashy.
Since I cannot see your 221 games in your profile I cannot give you an example to compare.
If you are up for a grandeur adventure and you are willing to invest proper time into the game, it will definitely worth it alone due to its high quality of presentation. It is for good reasons considered one of the best games of our time.
If you have more questions, ask ahead. If you make your games visible maybe I can give you pointers to which game you could compare it.
Do you consider yourself a Chess or Checkers type player?
Hmm, not mch a fan of either to be frank. But games wise i have always heavily picked more tactics based games eg All of the disagea games, Age of Empires,Command and Conquer. Xcom, Gear Tactics eg as well as a few CRPGS if that helps any. I have just never approached any TTRPGS in any sense and have no sense of lore with any of the D&D franchise and was worried I would be absolutely lost If i picked this up totally blind.
1. Race doesnt matter that much, sure there is some min max, but overall it doesnt matter that much. But if you still want to Optimize, get a Melee Githyanki, because there is some really good gear out there specifically for Githyankis.
2. No, you can play it blind, I did the same. Didnt play and Baldurs Gate before longer than a view minutes. Also D&D is not a big single story, its a collection of plenty little stories. Also everything you need to know lorewise will be introduced in the game (partly through cinematics).
3. You have absolute freedom, you can even go for gay options if thats your cup of tea. But you might miss some opportunities if you choose the wrong options.
4. No! At least when it comes to Baldurs Gate (as mentioned before). Also Divinity Original Sin isnt necessary (even its the same engine and plays a bit like it), it is a completely independent game storywise. What could help is some basic D&D knowledge (but thats more for combat and if you go story mode and choose some beginner friendly stuff you wont have big issues if you dont know D&D).
5. There is no need to pick any. But I recommend to pick 3 out of the original characters as companion. People will tell you here their preference which will absolutely differ. Just go with the 3 you like best. As recommend in 1 a Githyanki Melee Character can be nice gear wise. So Laezel would be a nice option (as your main character or a companion). Keep also in mind that you can respec all origin characters pretty early in the game (just visit the nearby ruins after you "landed")
6. Its round based so you have all time to do you decissions. In my opinion its easy but thats because I am into such things and doing my own builds and finding the mechs out. For someone who isnt into such stuff it might be overwhelming, all the informations. But as said just go Story mode if you think it will be to much.
7. There is no Transmog if thats what you ask. Basically the gear you pick up and equip is like how your armour will look like (good gear might be ugly and bad gear might look good but you might still choose the ugly looking gear). There is still one thing you can do: change the color of gear and there are plenty of colors.
Now here are some pointers for a simple group composition if you stick to it you wont have plenty of issues:
Classes, choose 4 of them (recommend: 4 different):
1. Fighter is absolutely easy if you go just fighter (basically any Subclass) there is not much you can do wrong.
2. Paladin is similar to Fighter (all Oaths), you cant do much wrong with it.
3. Warlock with Eldritch Blast (Cantrip Level 1) and Agonizing Blast (Eldritch Invocation at level 2). Stay pure Warlock or Multiclass with Sorcerer.
4. Choose Storm (not Draconic or Wild Magic) Sorcerer over any other Spell Caster if you want one (especially over wizard and druid).
5. Haveing a Cleric or Bard in the group can be handy.
Avoid this classes: Monk, Ranger, Rogue, Wizard, Spellcasting Druid, they are bad or not that straightforward to make good (= not beginner friendly).
If you want to multiclass:
1. All charisma based classes (Paladin, Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock) multiclass very well with each other and enchance each other. Most other classes dont multiclass as well.
2. If you arent playing Honour Mode, Melee Classes can multiclass very well with Pact Blade Warlock because its one of the few Extra Attacks that stacks with the Extra Attack of other Melee classes (and it allows even to alter the Main Attribute for Melee Weapons).
3. If you Multi Class with a Melee class (Fighter, Paladin, Sword Bard for example) gain at least 5 levels (6 for Sword Bard) so that you get Extra Attack.
4. Warlock is good to multiclass with Spell casters just for the Eldritch Blast and Agonizing Blast (level 2). But usually 2-5 levels is all you need / want here, if you Multi Class and dont play a pure Warlock.
5. (Storm) Sorcerer is good to multiclass with Spell Casters just for the Metamagic but you gain the most out of it if Sorcerer is your main class and often its best for a Spell Caster Multiclass to start with at least 1 Level in Sorcerer for the Saveing Throws.
6. 3 Points in Thief (Rogue Subclass) if you can make good use of Bonus Actions.
7. Sword Bard (for Melee but also for Ranged Weapons).
8. Storm Sorcerer and Warlock is a really good combo (1 level Storm Sorcerer, then 2-5 levels Warlock and rest in Sorcerer).
9. Paladin + Pact Blade Warlock is a strong combo in non Honour Mode (each at least 5 levels), it allows for 3 Attacks (only few classes like pure Fighter can do that) on top of all the benefits of the Paladin.
10. Paladin + Bard or Sorcerer is a good combo if you want more spell slots for Smites (at least 5 levels Paladin).
11. War Cleric (specifically this subclass) + a Melee class (like Fighter, Paladin, Sword Bard or Pactblade Warlock) is a strong combination (can be difficult to get the Attributes right).
Main Attribute (put as many points as possible into this, it should be your highest Attribute):
Melee Fighters with most Melee Weapons: Strength (no matter which class)
Melee Fighters with Finesse Weapons: Dexterity or Strength (no matter which class)
Ranged Weapons: Dexterity (no matter which class)
Throwing Weapons: Strength (no matter which class)
Spellcasters:
- Charisma: Bard, Paladin (main should still be Strenght [or Dexterity]), Sorcerer, Warlock
- Wisdom: Druid, Cleric, Monk, Ranger
- Intelligence: Everyone else
Also try to get at least 14 better 16 Constitution (no matter what class or playstyle)
Further try to get at least 14 Dexterity (no matter what class, except if you are wearing heavy armour, then you can ignore this and if you wear light armor / no armour or special medium armour later on you can even go higher).
It is recommend to have someone with high Dexterity that can Lockpick stuff (could be someone that uses Ranged and / or Finese Weapons so it would be his main Attribute).
Guidance is a very useful Cantrip for out of combat stuff (Cleric, Druid or Pact of Tome Warlock).
Perception is a good general ability so that you find hidden stuff (the more of your group have it, the better).
Have at least 1 high charisma character (best your main character) that has at least 2 if not all 3 of the talk Abilities like Intimidation, Deception and Persuasion.
Half elves are pretty good to start with. They look close enough to humans and still retain some benefits from their ancestors. Sleep potion imunity comes to mind in the presence of Priestess Gut. But thats just one scene, so it doesn't really matter that much. More beneficial would be the dark sight and some other stuff.
Except when you're a newb, who doesn't know the lore like the OP, then having an inate ability from a race is still more viable over some spell, that a class, you may not even know it has, has.
There are so many ways to deal with dark places that it barely matters. Like for example the Light Cantrip which you can have at level 1 when being (Half) Elf or by choosing a Spell Caster (most can learn it).
And if some enemy casts Darkness or things like that, where it would really matter, Darkvision isnt doing anything, too (because it doesnt work against magical darkness, while Devils Sight and that eversight Ring for example can deal even with that)
Shadowheart makes it worth the pain, though...
Even better with wood elf ancestry which give them additional movement in combat. The skin colour can be adjusted from the greenish tone.
With that you should be fine if you like the party management part from XCOM.
Also worth your attention is the game Wildermyth.
Read my initial comment it might help you to make things easier.
But to the point that everything is leveled up and does multiple attacks. Could it be that you straight headed into Act2? And ignored everything else?
Because different locations have different levels. If you straight go to the most difficult places and ignore the easy one you get exactly what you described. Try to go to easier places first (to level up).
If you liked XCOM, you should like BG3. The combat is similar and does require a lot of tactical thinking. But it's also more to think about during combat than it is in XCOM.
BG3 is far superior to XCOM overall. For my enjoyment.