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There's a mod that adds a skill journal that players can record their XP into, and then when they die and read the journal again it feeds all of that XP back to them.
Best thing to do though is just accept this is a roguelite game and death isn't something that is designed to be a slap on the wrist - lag is an unfortunate side effect of MP in general and especially bites in a game such as this though, yeah. Just need to get used to it, short of using the options mentioned above.
If the death is fair though, I would just encourage you to accept that this is the way the game is meant to be played. Much like life, everything in Zomboid is temporary. This includes the lives of characters. Multiplayer already takes away some of the stakes since it has to allow respawns.
If they're annoyed by the loss of exp but don't want to increase the xp gain rate, then I don't know what to tell you. You could consider boosting it temporarily while they grind their skills and then set it back to normal when they've returned to their desired levels.
You sound like you'd be a lot of fun at parties. By the way, no there isn't a way to keep a portion of EXP on death.
Well ♥♥♥♥ us for trying to be helpful and offer alternative solutions instead of just saying "no" I guess.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2503622437
"I want to fundamentally change a part of the way that the game is played because we do not enjoy it"
"Just play it the way it was meant to be played without changes"
"No"
"WELL ♥♥♥♥ ME I GUESS, YOU MUST BE FUN AT PARTIES"
But yeah @OP there isn't a way except admin tools or mods, sorry. I'll add that turning off all infection vectors in the sandbox mode settings when you first create the world will make bites not a one hit kill though which is helpful since that's the source of most cheap deaths.