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Do you want a relaxer or something that'll make you pay attention? Depending on that I might have some recommends.
You might find this game a little slow if you like the shoot'em ups and zombie slashers then. It's great if you wanna divide your attention with kids though. Just fair warnin' to ya 'bout the ironman thing.
I just meant relaxer as in not very attention demanding, or something players can divide their attention with and/or something to chill out with. So something like Banished is a relaxer for me. But everyone's got their own fetish :D
Given that you're an older gamer, I doubt you'll have any issues persevering the initial struggle, so as long as you find the offered video/screenshot presentation interesting, it will likely be a good fit for you.
I feel the exact opposite that you do. For me, a brand new character with nothing and no skills is the most exciting time of the game. How well will I do this time? This is likely one of the reasons that when I die, it doesn't really hurt that much, because I love the thrill of a fresh green character.
Dying is still a sad feels though, because I do love base building in game as well and needing high skills is a huge bonus for that.
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1574900/Salt_2_Shores_of_Gold/
The game can be tailored to suit your needs/playstyle with the sandbox mode. So if you want, you can lower the zombie population, among other things, so you can look away a little with lesser the risk of getting killed. You can also find a safe place to hide much easier this way. And as DivineEvil said, you can pause the game anytime in other instances. You don't really need to pull extreme stunts that requires full focus like in action game after all.
This game also supports local split-screen coop. Depending on how old your kids are, and if you don't mind them playing the game, you can have them play along with you. Just plug a controller and let them screw around.
The great thing is that you can hit the ESC key and pause the game. If you have two monitors, clicking to the other monitor will close the game window. Just make sure you hit ESC and it paused before you do that. I've lost characters thinking I'd paused the game when I'd really just dismissed a menu.