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So in the case of Cat/Goblin war, find out whose kingdom the battle is closest to and fight for that kingdom. The battle should move away and after fighting two battles you should have enough to request peace if you were neutral before.
Like with Skeleton and Human, by bumping up the Human Reign's offense to at least one reduces the chance of being targeted, since the divide in the power levels between the two get reduced. By completing Princess Purity and obtaining Acerola Sap from nearby the Skeleton Reign and selling it, you will have enough Swirlies before the end of that day to bolster the Human Reign up by. If you raise it to two will almost reduce the chance of being targeted to nothing but at the same time increases the chance of Human Reign warring with the Slimes. Likewise the Cats are the warmongers of the South Region (although I've seen it where the Goblins also pick fights often enough, even as weak as they are initially).
Now I would generally recommend to even everyone's attack to about two, and max out the defenses; that way even if fighting does happen, the hefty defense will give more then enough time for the RNG factors of which side is winning at the moment to balance itself out. Since I've seen Reigns getting invaded manage to repel the invaders on their own. The problem is stacking any Military Upgrade raises the costs considerably, which makes creating a more leveled playing field unfeasible.., not without sinking alot of time into Loot Farming for all the Swirlies you can get from selling what you obtain.
By the time you pockets are laden with more Swirlies then you know what to do with, you can buy all the Presents you can and Gift two a day to each Princess, which makes bartering them to sign a Peace Treaty much less damaging on your Reputation (and also accessibility to be able to keep giving them more in the future).
Also unless you pick one of the other Knight backstories, Devil Advocate does help in that with whoever ends up going to War with another Reign will also increase your Repuation with them. That way you can see you are the ones instigating the fighting and also help you along towards accessing their Princesses and quell the fight.
...now, personally I just let them do their own things for the most part, only aiding the few in between that I like, though one thing I didn't mention that may or may not help is locating Helias in the Caves/Forests (most notibly only the ones thateither have nothing hostile in the area like with the Slime Pool or by Bab's Hut.., not sure after clearing the Kobold's Forest of that reoccuring boss fight will generate Helias randomly or not though).
Also I think hosting those Tea Parties are meant to reduce tension between the Reigns though in my opinion I think it odes the opposite because I've noticed more fighting amongst the participants of those early on more often then not. That is because I've done playthroughs where no-one in the Southern Region ever fought each other, and another time have the Goblin Reign go after the Moth Reign right after the Tea Party was over.
Take what you will from this, though raising the Attack of everyone above zero, then max out the Defense of those being attacked has worked the best so far (mostly because I Loot Farm due the fact that Cash/EXP are interchangable for this game), but that's just me. I'm sure you'll find whatever that works best for you (BTW, max Kobold's power, get the daggers from Human Reign slums, and just go to the Pyramid and smack the three Scarabs in the middle chamber then smack the two upstairs, refreshing as you change floors. EZ Swirlies. You are welcome, ye who are reading this last part and didn't know what I was meaning; you're welcome).