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Unless you are playing with invisible strain off I highly suggest you keep your gates closed. There are many other reasons to keep it closed and this issue you had was one of them.
I agree. The first thing I did was build gates and walls (just wood for now) and immediately put all of the gates to CLOSE for EVERYONE. I've heard of too many issues where "nice pals" of the apocalypse come along and "gently coerce you for money". >.>
Good suggestions. The original standing order as well as defensive positions + backup = courage fuel. This will of course result in more wars starting when you're not looking. So imo would have to be part of a more comprehensive overhaul/expansion of diplomacy which may or may not come.
For now your only option is to immediately pause, get over to that toon, and manage that circumstance yourself. Which is to say start shooting, or walk away and let them start shooting, or pay. Also prepare for a full assault shortly from almost everyone that community can muster. From a RP perspective, it's a shake down. Shoot the messenger and start a war, or pay.
The obvious workaround to your current problem is make sure there's a gold ring on each of your community members so they can meet the demand should they/you choose to.