TF2 All Class Guide

Hey there you, you are problably wondering by the title if this is gonna teach you how to play tf2 better? Is it going to teach me how to play all the classes? Is this helpfull?
Well let me answer this with one word: No!
You should be outside right now, playing with friends or strangers.... playing with strangers is fun, do it kids, they will give you candy!
But since you are already here i might aswell teach you something....
So lets go and learn stuff today! Yay for learning. Stay away from school kids, its a bad place, better off killing your life with Video Games
you stupid piece of-
Whatever lets just go onto learning.
Dont look at me with your dumb face, scroll down you son of a...

"Every Class is different.No two classes are not actually Spy" - The Spy

The Dwarf / The Scout

Play the suicidal little ass ♥♥♥♥♥♥ virgin who escaped his father by joining the merc.
Loadout:
Hat:Gibus
Misc:Merc Badge, Spirit of giving.
Action slot: Anything you want will be fine.

Primary Weapon:Soda popper
Secondary:The Winger
Melee:Wrap Assassin

Gameplay:
Never run, just stand still.
Never double jump.
Never run away from enemies, show that you are not a coward and die like a man should.
Never dodge bullets, it will do your team a great deal if you run in front of the bullets and absorb the damage.
Never use your guns, fight like a man with a melee only!
Never throw your bauble, dont shoot your little "balls" around like a ♥♥♥♥♥♥.
Always take Teleporters first, your team needs excercise, force them to do it instead of waiting for the teleporter.
Never cut corners, dont be a little prick who cuts corners.

"Some classes are quick little bunnies, Scout is literally a bastard" - The Spy

Now you've learned all this ♥♥♥♥, now go to the battlefield and show that you are not a little virgin who escaped his angry father by joining the merc.You bloody dwarfs!

The Soulja / The Soldier

Play the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ mentaly insane army reject.

Loadout:
Same as scout...

Weapons:
Primary:Rocket jumper
Secondary:Gunboats
Melee:Market Gardener

Gameplay:
Never rocket jump, dont be a ♥♥♥♥♥ who cuts walking.
Always shoot your team, everyone is a spy, dont trust them.
Always shoot the enemy, use the rocket jumper for maximun amount of damage.
Stand still, your team will be greatfull if you stand still and be a spy magnet.
Dont check for spies, never check annyone acting weird, always check the normal people first.
Stand in a corner with your back turned, spy magnet at its finest.

Go out on the field and prove to me that you are the "best" soldier out there!
Go! Go! Go!

"Some classes are ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ insane. Soldier should be institutionalized." - The Spy

The Soulless Monster / The Pyro

Play the soulless crossgender unknown freak.

Loadout:
Hats/misc are the same as the scunt i mean scout.

Weapons:
Primary:Flame Trower, ANYTHING JUST DONT USE THE BACKBURNER!
Secondary:Shotgun
Melee:Volcano Fragment

Gameplay:
Burn people, make everyone fear your name and spam it in the chat (Y).
Dont use the shotgun or melee, why would you need a shotgun or an axe when you got a Flame Trower?
Hold Mouse1 and W, You cannot comprehend this amazing power!
Run, if people start to chase you, run away, run away now ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!
Never use ALT Fire (Airblast), dont be a loser who spends his time caring about his own team and dont push people away from the ground like a jackass.

Thats all i got....
HEY! Dont judge me.

"Some classes set people on fire. Pyro is a soul-less monster." - The Spy

The Scottish Drunken ♥♥♥♥♥♥ / The Demoman

Play the black drunk scottish reject.

Hats:
You know already, dont ♥♥♥♥♥♥ start this with me.

Weapons:
Primary:Bootlegger or Ali Baba's Wee Booties
Secondary:Chargin' Tage or Splendid Screen.
Melee:Bottle

Gameplay:
Never use the shield, you are too drunk to drive a shield.
Fight people with your bottle, show em you are more than a drunken reject.
Drink from the bottle, get even more drunk that your team dosent want to be around you, ♥♥♥♥ em you dont need losers like them.
Drink in real life for better expierence.
Idle in spawn, you are not useful to your team when you play so why bother playing?
Jump around in spawn, if you are bored of idling go run around in spawn!

"Some classes have rigged the enemy base with explosives! Demoman has not, He was too drunk."
- The Spy

The Stupid Fat-Ass / The Heavy

Play Fattest man in the world.

Hats:
FOR ♥♥♥♥♥ SAKE YOU KNOW ALREADY!

Weapons:
Primary:Brass Beast
Secondary:Not usefull.
Melee:Not usefull.

Gameplay:
Just stand still and shoot everyone you see with the brass beast.
Keep your front turned to the wall.
Dont move, you will get to the front line too fast so your team wont catch up!
Never protect your medic, he is suppossed to avoid the damage, if he dint he is a stupid ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.
Stand still, you got to give the enemy a chance to kill you, if you move they wont be able to kill you because you will be too fast.
If you run out of ammo you should consider killing yourself because you are useless without your brass beast.

"Some classes are grossly obese. Heavy is going to die of heart disease." - The Spy

The OP ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Smartass / The Engineer

Play the most Over Powered ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ever.

Hats:
....

Weapons:
Primary:Stock
Secondary:Stock
Melee:Stock

Gameplay:
Never build OP buildings like sentries,dispensers,teleports.
Build Sentries in places none ever visits, because its obvious they are gonna go there.
Never build dispensers, your team and you dont need any health,ammo,metal.
Never build teleporters, neither you or your team has to get to the front lines in a hurry, take your time and walk, you could use the excercise you fat piece of...
Idle in spawn, you will be credit to team.

"Some classes build redicolously over-powered guns. Engineer is compensating for something." - The Spy

De Perverted Rejected Ex-Nazi / The Medic

Play the most important man on your team who will stab you in the back once you turned it.

Hats....

Weapons are stock

Gameplay:
Dont heal people, those ungratefull sons of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dont deserver to live.
Dont uber annyone but yourself, you are the most important man in your team, you should get da uberz.
Stab everyone with your bonesaw, check for spies even if you teamkill someone, if you do that means it was a spy and the team totaly wont kick you for team killin'.
Never run, the enemy is going to have a hard time if you run around, stand still and give them a chanse.
If annyone is acting "strange" or "weird" they are not spies, they are normal players!

"Some classes are sadisitic ex-Nazis. Medic hacks people apart for 'science'." - The Spy

The Most Over-Powered ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ In The World / The Sniper

Play the best class in the game!

Weapons:
Primary:Machina
Secondary:Smg
Melee: You dont need melee you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Gameplay:
Use smg on everyone, CoD players will be proud of you.
Noscope everyone with your Machina.
Camp in 1 spot and continue Noscoping!
Dont move you coward.

"Some classes are polite,some classes are efficient, the Sniper trows piss at people and lives in a van" - The Spy

"Snipin's a good job, mate! It's challengin' work, outta doors. I guarantee you'll not go hungry, cause at the end of the day, long as there's two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead" - The Sniper

"Got that fancy scope of yars? I bet you got a good view of me killin' ya!" - The Scout

"Snipe that you frikin' coward!" - The Scout

The Backstabbin' French ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Bastard / The Spy

Play the backstabber!

STOCK WEAPONS

Gameplay:
Stab everyone.
Cloak and stay hidden forever.
Never use your revolver.

Im sick of doing this, Ima go home.

"Some classes are sleeping with your mother.Spy is a dashing rogue." - The Spy

[Lourger]

Great Idea! I Become A Medic At 2FORT And I Was Healing The Heavy Then After That I Ubered My Self And Let Him Die!

5 sec later...
XPLO214$Fs: FUCK U MEDIC NOOB!
bSun Good_Boy2: Heck No
XPLO214$Fs: NOOOOOOOOOOB!
bSun Good_Boy2: Nope.avi
XPLO214$Fs: U Fraeking Stopid!
bSun Good_Boy2: Nice Grammar Bro!
XPLO214$Fs: FUCK OFF!

Player XPLO214$Fs left the game (Disconnected By User.)

[skyler]

i liked demomans nick name XD "The Scottish Drunken Nigger"

[Tukengug]

bhbgvfvh

[Tila]

XD

[<ERROR_410>]

No Problem

[Phoenonical]

This guide made me play Team fortress 2 10x better. My team is always proud of me, they mostly say "U NUB" or "GOWB BAK TU CAWL O DUWTY", but I know they're just jelous of my team play. Also my K/D ratio has improved, it used to be 0/9001, now it's 1/9001.
Also my hat choice was never been better, but for some reason poeple keep calling me "FWEE TU PLAH" I don't know what that means, but I guess it means that I'm a good team player. So thank you again Lordgun the Supreme Master of TF2, for teaching me these hiddens skills that none of those horrible guides taught me, like who uses a revolver as a spy? Pffft, only losers do that.
So, thank you again...