Make a weapon's stats as realistic as possible

[Retrotude]

The game is simple. List the way a weapon would be used in real life, as well as it's effects on the opponent. For example...
Minigun:
-100% move speed when deployed
10000 ammo
Uses 100 ammo per second
Bullets tear apart and mutilate the flesh of the opponent and rip apart any inanimate materials it hits.

[Zoxphyl]

Sniper rifle: Instantly kills or seriously injures someone regardless if it's a bodyshot or a headshot.

[Orange Bitflip]

Bonk! Atomic Punch: Gives user a sugar rush and radiation poisoning.
Crusader's Crossbow: Heal targets lose health from hit.
Syringe Gun: Depending on contents, can be used to poison enemies or heal teammates. Too many syringes kills anybody.

[76561198079372573]

Medigun, Kritskrieg, Quickfix, Vaccinator: Gives the patient cancer

[OKMB]

The point of TF2 is not to be realistic its to be as ridiculous as possible.

[Mucinex]

Postat inițial de Freeman:

The point of TF2 is not to be realistic its to be as ridiculous as possible.

We're just talking about how weapons in TF2 would be in real life. Sandviches don't heal gunshot wounds.

[OKMB]

No but sandvichs are nutritous and taste good. A good thing to eat before you bleed out.

[Aristotle]

stickybomb: blows up everything and could serouisy hurt someome

[Retrotude]

Nice to see this took off. :D
Jarate:
Upon shatter, both opponents and teammates are cut by the glass, receive infections from the piss going into their wounds, and are momentarily stunned while they puke due to the terrible smell that will stay in their clothes for months.

[eat my soup]

Force-a-Nature: The smaller barrels increase spinning speed and stability of bullets fired, but creates a decent chance of misfiring.

[Joey Swashbuckle]

Rocket launcher:

-25% move speed
-75% clip size
+200% rocket speed
+1000% damage
-50% reload speed
+100% AoE radius

It's essentially a stylized RPG-7, so this seems fitting enough

[Chris]

Holy Mackarel:

Make your current surrounding smell like rotten fish, Your Opponents will practically run away from this Reek of Victory.

[Le Fishe Au Chocolat]

Spy-cicle
Melts automatically after a minute
Breaks when you try to backstab someone
Does nothing against fire
Does not regenerate

[Taco Bell™ Crunchwrap Supreme®]

Baby Face's Blaster
Same stats except for no movement speed reduction.
Seriously, why the ♥♥♥♥ is that there?

[Character]

sandman: launches useless ball that bounces off of enemies and can seriously annoy when used as an actual weapon and not a baseball bat

[lazily]

Phlogistinator
+500% Damage
Melts the skin off of opponents.