Where did I go wrong (looking for pro advice!)

[Thiccolas Cage]

I've started out in Noobland and so far have taken over 4 counties (the Duchy of Munster and Connachta). After I took over Connachta, I moved the law to absolute... I think it's tribal authority? Suddenly, I've lost Desehumain and Connachta and they're being ruled by my cousin. Sure, he's my heir and I'll get it all back, but what happened?

Also, my council members keep leaving me and I don't think it's through dying.. but they all like me. Now I'm running out of people at court with worthwhile skills to take on these positions (my Chancellor has a diplomacy score of 5).

Alongside that Council problem, I tried a matrilineal marriage to bring a Courtier to my court to marry my daughter (he had diplomacy of 22) and it was accepted but he never showed up.

My score is now 3600 and I'm determined to see this particular family through to the end and learn as much as I can. I'm watching lots of videos (Arumba particularly) but I'm not sure what misstep caused me my woes with land and council members, so I don't know where to focus my attention.

Thanks for reading and for any help you can offer :)

[Nehebsis]

If you have the Charlemagne DLC your succession law would have been elective gavelkind. It might have been your vassals voted for your cousin, making your son a junior heir. This might explain you lost most of the land to your cousin.

All landed council members who owned land in the counties you lost wouldn't have been you vassals anymore because of this. That's why they left, they are the vassals of your cousin now.

Your son-on-law might not have come to your court because he was a council member for someone already or maybe he was landed, there might be other reasons but I can't think of them right now.

Hope this helps.

[drake_hound]

landed courtiers never show up at your court, even if your daughtere is landed too.
That is the only explanation I can give for the matrilinear marriage.

[Racketeer]

Is your daughter at least 16 years old (or the guy you want her to marry)? If that's not the case, they are merely bethrothed. Once they reach appropriate age, you will be able to marry them and if he is unlanded he will be in your court.

[cybul]

I started in the southern tip of Ireland, now I'm king of Ireland with the 2nd character. I like to change the succession to eldest heir inherits all titles asap, ride the mini storm with gifts and honorary titles etc. If theres a character who really wont stop hating you, make them steward and send them to collect taxes, they often get killed :D Also I sent my spymaster to Paris to study tech and he did marvels, maybe 6 or 7 upgrades, and after he died of natural causes the next guy did the same. Matrilineal marriage I rarely do as I prefer to get some alliances with the daughters instead...the HRE will join your wars and Brittany. I try to make them nearish neighbours (not too close if I want that land!) so they can get their troops to my war in time. You should get prompts to make duchys when you have enough of the domain, I do it, then if you get negitives from your vassals for too many duchys, see if they desire one and let them have it IF you're KING. When I made the kingdom of Ireland I didnt own all of it but they all excepted vassalisation quickly. Finally...try and get a wife who is 'quick' or 'genius' even if you have to wait a few years...a) her personal stats will be great and b) your heirs could inherit these traits making for a potentially great future character.