"Ending #85
Warhammer Quest
Developer - Rodeo Games
Publisher - Chilled Mouse
Steam
2015

Hey, how would everyone like to have an archer class that misses her mark fifteen times in a row? How about playing as a Warrior Priest whose prayers never get answered? OH, I know, let's try a big ol' brutish Ogre who has one attack and may actually hit its target zero times while in a dungeon.Or perhaps a marauder who misses more than he hits, unless you gave him a magic nut, at which point the ratio becomes an astounding 50/50, making him the best class just because he could hit almost half the time! Let's throw in a rabbit head item that may or may not do anything for your character and then have the developer be a total ♥♥♥♥ when asked about what it does! That's a formula for success.
Ughh. I loathe this game. This is the perfect case study of frustration, anger, and poor game design bundled into a tablet game gone Steam. I don't even know if I have anything nice to say about this game and some family member of mine would say, "If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all..." Now, anyone who sees my steam profile will notice the 126 hours spent in the game, so if I hated it so much, why did I spend more time playing this than anything else in recent memory? Well, that's the thing, I thoroughly despise the game mechanics, but there was some underlying natural force that compelled me. Perhaps it was the Warhammer name, or the steady and slow drip of achievements it fed me, but even after complaining time and again how broken the game is, I kept pushing forward.
My other major hobby is board games and I own the old Heroes Quest, Advanced Heroes Quest, Warhammer Quest card game, and the new reprint of Warhammer Quest, the Silver Tower....I live such an exciting life....I know the underlying mechanics the tablet version was trying to emulate, but the developers did a piss poor job trying to capture that feel. I have never whiffed my attacks so much playing the board game version, and I wouldn't even bring it up if either archer just had one string of bad rolls, but this was nearly every dungeon. And that stupid ogre is worthless no matter what gear you give him. I never played the original version of the board game, but had I missed so consistently back then in my youth, I would have grown up a sports junkie and sworn off from my nerdy ways, that's how bad the Steam version is. I only persisted because I have a unnaturally high tolerance level for mundanity and repetitive mediocrity that I have been able to cultivate and hone over thirty years.
If you have a masochistic streak as large as mine and you happen to make it to max level with your stable of worthless humans, you do eventually get gear that mitigates some of the missing your character will do, but once you get to that point in the game you have orcs to deal with that are covered with psychic Waagh! tattoos, causing you to miss almost as much! There are no winners here, only people who play the game long enough to resign to dismal fate.
Yet, despite all I've said here, I am STILL disappointed that the developer never released the Wissenland expansion area. It's on the map, but you never go there. Dear God, what is wrong with me?!
Oh, I can say one nice thing about that game! The Dwarf Trollslayer is amazing once you have whirlwind...just feed his strength and it almost makes everything bad, feel alright.

Fantasy Flight makes better board games anyway."